Posted by sunnydays on March 25, 2007, at 19:10:25
In reply to sunny, I'm thinking of you, posted by 10derHeart on March 25, 2007, at 15:39:41
> I don't have any amazing words to say that might make you feel better. Missing a T., especially in this 'up in the air' situation, just feels like absolute cr*p. I've been there in the past, and it was agonizing.
**** Thanks for just writing, 10der. It really helps to know someone is thinking of me. It shocked me to see your post, because I just wasn't expecting anyone would think of me. It is so hard right now.
>
> I wish I could make it better, I really do.**** Me too, but I don't think anyone can make it better until my T comes back. I just want to hide from everything in my life. I really really don't even want to go to classes tomorrow. I have to, and luckily I have a meeting with my pdoc before classes on Monday, so hopefully she'll convince me. I just want to lay on my bed and watch tv and not move. For days. I get so anxious thinking about doing anything.
>
> Of course you're not wrong in your feelings. Your feelings are important and precious. I shudder to imagine myself in your shoes, because I would be a mess. I think....it's the da*n uncertainty right now. You don't have your next session on a specific day, so you can't even start a countdown or anything to tangibly see how the days are going by, and that sucks :-( I'll bet when he's a bit better and lets you know of his plans to return, even if you have to wait a few days after that, it'll be a big relief.**** I can't wait until I have a specific day. It kills me, absolutely kills me, that I have no idea when he'll be back.
>
> I'm hoping and praying you'll hear from him again soon to give you another update. Those will help. His back will heal and he will be back, he will feel just as safe and kind, and you *will* be alright.**** Thank you. I probably won't hear from again until I see him at the appointment, though. Probably his secretary will call me when he's coming back. I hope he still feels the same. I'm so so so scared that he's going to feel completely different. And that he'll be mad at me for missing him. And for getting depressed while he was gone. And for calling him (it was before I knew he was doing so bad). And that he's going to end up finding out something horrible and never be able to come back. Or that it will be months. I am so so scared.
>
> Try to remember, if you can, these sad, scared and frustrated feelings can't actually harm you, if that makes any sense. While we're feeling them, they seem overswhelming and everlasting, but they never are, and when this episode is over, the awfulness will fade away quickly.**** I hope so. I've been having suicidal thoughts lately. Nothing I'm anywhere close to acting on, but it bothers me just having them.
>
> To me, what the sadness is, is a beautiful reflection of the depth if your attachment and love for your T., so even though living through them totally sucks, they represent something wonderful.
>**** Yeah, he really does. I was talking to my pdoc the other day and I couldn't even talk about him without tearing up, he's that important to me.
> I know this won't change the day to day right now, and you can send me a cyber-slap if you want. I'd understand.
>
> stay in touch if you can ((((sunny))))
>
>**** Thank you 10der. No cyber-slaps for you!! Your post meant a lot to me.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:742839
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070324/msgs/744204.html