Posted by sunnydays on December 21, 2006, at 9:00:28
In reply to Re: i miss my T » sunnydays, posted by 10derHeart on December 21, 2006, at 0:34:26
> Your post made me cry.
**** Well, you're post almost made me cry, except in the morning you pretty much have to hit me over the head with a board to make me cry - the little feelings are much much stronger at night.
You're so honest about this toipc, and it's also pretty brave to write it so plainly here.
**** Thanks for saying that. I never thought about it, but I guess maybe I could see it if it were someone else... (I have trouble accepting compliments for me)
Weird how when I can totally relate to the 'little' feelings and missing my T. (every day) in what you say, at the same time, I also see in you (but NOT me, of course) this courage to admit it all and long for it and be sad and say you're sad. Big, adult, brave stuff, all mixed in with that little girl who just wants to rest, relax, snuggle, quit thinking and have someone totally safe love her.
**** Wow. That's the part that really almost makes me cry. I never thought of it like that. It makes me feel better if I don't seem entirely little and young, because I really want to act like an adult, it just doesn't happen sometimes.
>
> <sigh> or maybe that's just all *my* stuff. But I sure do think I can understand your emotions. It's an ache that's like no other ache.
>**** No, I think you understand it perfectly. An ache is exactly what it is.
> And what's my excuse? I saw my T. 12 hours ago...yet it can feel like forever and hurts even more the days when they are sooooo exta-kind and gentle, ya' know?
**** Yeah. I was kind of hoping for a really nice session before he left, but it didn't happen. It was alright, but I couldn't settle down to talk about any one thing - I was so nervous about leaving. But maybe it would have made it harder anyway.
Maybe I should ask him to be meaner so I won't hate to leave and miss him so much? Hah - like he could do it. I feel silly, but then posts like yours make me feel like others really do go through this and really do get it. Thank you for that.
**** The same goes for you. I go through lots of times when I think I must be the world's biggest idiot and that no one else could possibly understand.
>
> Wish I could help. Hope you find comfort and the bad dreams go away. Do you have anything of his?**** Yeah, a little stone that's like one of those shiny ones you might put in the bottom of a vase, but I'm afraid it's losing its magic a little. But I'm scared to bring it back in because maybe I'm not supposed to still have it, and maybe he'll take it back.
Or can you call and listen to his message, if he has one? Those things help me a little. Sounds like a few of us need Camp Comfort or something like muffled's cave....but I'm stubborn...I want all our T's there, too....
**** Yeah, I was posting with wishingstar about Camp Comfort somewhere above, but I don't want a substitute T, I want my T there. The message doesn't help much, because it doesn't sound like him to me. He sounds a little nervous.
>
> Not to be funny, 'cause I don't think it is at all, but the expression, "T's - can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em," keeps running through my head tonight. Maybe 'cause earlier I was bad....I......[[whispers]] shhhhhhhhhhhh
> ....don't tell....but I ....................
>
> drove by T's house. Haven't done that one in months, but tonight....{shrug} I saw his car. I saw his Christmas lights (very beautiful) Looked all warm and inviting. Felt both better and worse if that's possible. Cried off and on driving home. sheesh...I'm definitely not feeling much over 5 or 6 inside lately.
>
> It's so hard sometimes.*** I don't think it's bad at all. It's not like you went to the front door and asked to live there. Enjoy the warm feeling.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:715323
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061210/msgs/715402.html