Posted by Tamar on June 19, 2006, at 18:17:11
In reply to ANGST!, posted by annierose on June 19, 2006, at 15:48:07
> I don't know how to label this feeling besides angst, hostility or irritability --- and I don't know quite where it's coming from but I hate it and want to squash it out.
Oh, if only these feelings could be squashed!
> I mentioned to my T last Friday, that I've been running into the client that comes after me (on Fridays) in her vestibule. It's pretty hard, IMO, for the next client to time her arrival perfectly just as I'm leaving and she is arriving. It must be intentional. Normally, you'd walk into her office from a hallway, come into the vestibule (small area) and open the door immediately to your right for the waiting room. There's a door straight ahead as well, my T's office. SO ... I mention meeting this client twice within 3 weeks and I mention wanting to say something to her, something childish like, "T is in a bad mood today, told me she doesn't want to see you today," or "She told me I'm her favorite," or "What a coincidence, we meet here yet again" ...
Go for it! She’ll schlep her *ss into the waiting room pronto after something like that!
But seriously, I’d be tempted to do exactly the same thing.
> something to discourage her. We talked about it some and then time ran out and guess what, SHE WAS THERE AGAIN!!! So now I'm annoyed. Why is this client hanging out in the vestibule and not going into the waiting room.
It’s a reasonable question.
> I saw my T this morning and tell her that I saw "my new friend again, and I think we're going to meet for coffee next Friday". My T said, "You feel pretty vulnerable when you leave here," (not sure if that was a question or a statement). I kept quiet, not knowing how to put my feelings into words. I know it shouldn't bother me but it does. T asked, "Do you think she is doing this on purpose?" "YES, it's more than coincidence, I wonder if she's trying to listen to my session." At this point my T seemed a bit defensive and said a person couldn't hear anything from that area. I disagree. Then she suggested, "Would you like to come five minutes earlier on Fridays?"
> I said "Yes" and then the annoyance came over me in full force. I just wanted to scream and I wanted to leave.
>
> It's so confusing. My T did everything right. She acknowledged my uncomfortable feelings, tried to get me to talk about it (for 15 or so minutes), thought of a solution, and still, "ARRGGGGHHHHH".
>
> She ended the session by saying, "It seems you feel that I'm not on your side. I'm your ally. I'm here just for you. We need to understand why you are so irritable with me."
>
> I wish it was that easy.Well, I know if it had been me, I would have had a couple of reactions: I would have wanted the therapist to tell the other client to go into the waiting room in future – a bit like asking my parents to sort out a squabble between my brother and me. I’d want to see the other patient ‘punished’. But if you come five minutes early, you’re the one who is being asked to do something different. I’d whine like a spoiled three year-old at that, and I’d feel it was an entirely reasonable reaction.
And I suppose at another level I’d want to know why the other client was so curious about me that they were hanging around in the vestibule, and whether it was simply curiosity or whether there was some jealousy there as well.
And I’d also feel a little jealous that I was having to give up my therapist for the time being, and yet she was clearly available to another person who wasn’t me.
But that’s my reaction. I think it would be a huge mother/sibling thing for me. I don’t know about you. Does any of that resonate with you?
(((((Annierose)))))
I think I would probably deal with it by confronting the other client. I’d say indignantly, “Have you been listening at the door?” and hope she’d slink into the waiting room to avoid further confrontation in future. But that’s not an approach that works for everyone (and indeed it doesn’t always work well for me).
I hope you manage to work things out with minimum distress.
poster:Tamar
thread:658766
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/658833.html