Posted by fairywings on June 16, 2006, at 17:38:56
In reply to Re: can professionals keep this a secret? » B2chica, posted by ElaineM on June 16, 2006, at 15:34:19
> Okay I'm getting really scared reading this. I assumed people would tell me that I was reading into nothing.
Hi Elaine,
I'm sorry you're going through this and feeling so vulnerable and ambivalent. I understand not feeling you can leave him, it sounds like you've become very dependent on him - understandable since he pays you so much attention and you feel so alone otherwise.
My guess is, since you asked if it's okay, at some level you feel it's not. Could you consider weaning yourself off of him by seeing another therapist? You don't have to confide this to another T, but maybe you can forge enough of a bond with another T while letting your feelings for your current T subside?
When I was a teenager, my 1st therapist encouraged a very unhealthy dependency on him. I feel like I lost 5 years of my life. I never reported him, and never would. I won't even tell my T what happened, but I often wonder what would've happened to me if I hadn't gotten away. He seemed very nice, but in retrospect he didn't have my best interest at heart.
Can you look forward, and think of the things that could possibly happen and how you'd feel, or how you'd deal with them? Have you thought about how you'd feel if he terminated your therapy abruptly, or just stopped seeing you? I'm not saying he will, but does it worry you? Are you preparing yourself, just in case?
You're probably not reading nothing into all of this, esp. since you've expressed concerns about whether it's okay. I wondered...is he in solo practice, and are you still paying him, or has he waived his fee?
>>I am too afraid to "stop seeing him immediately". ... I'm not used to having others respond to my questions either. I don't often ask things of people because I'm afraid no one would listen, or believe me, or want to helpMaybe that's one of the things that makes you especially appealing to him?
BTW, you're definitely not stupid, and I'm sure you're not ugly. You sound like a wonderful, sensitive, caring person who could be very easily hurt. I hope that doesn't happen. Good luck.....
fw
poster:fairywings
thread:657557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/657731.html