Posted by fallsfall on May 26, 2006, at 12:33:44
In reply to frustrated with T..., posted by Karolina on May 25, 2006, at 23:18:54
I had a therapist who was the world for me. She was my only hope. She held my hope.
She used to say "I have taught you all that I know", "I don't know what else to do for you". But I was pretty intense and she knew that I would completely crumble if she sent me away. I think that she was afraid of what would happen if she referred me on. *I* was afraid of what would happen if she referred me on.
In the beginning we worked together really well. I learned a lot, but I didn't really get better. I got better at tolerating how not-better I was.
Slowly the therapy deteriorated, so slowly that we didn't notice. Eventually she (and the therapy) was causing me great pain. So great that I was seriously suicidal (with intent) for the first time. I had been afraid to leave her because I knew that things would be "bad" without her. But as the therapy deteriorated and I considered ending my life, I asked myself if leaving her could be worse than the position I found myself in. I had been in therapy with her for 8 1/2 years, and I decided to find a new therapist.
I won't go into the pain of looking, choosing, leaving, starting.
3 years later, I have a different therapist. He is able to do for me what she couldn't. I have chosen a new path for my life and have returned to graduate school. We are actively working on figuring out how I can negotiate life. I have a new life.
I don't think that she was a "bad" therapist. I think that she does *what she does* well. The problem was that I needed something different. She couldn't give me what I needed. Because what I needed was different from what she knew how to give. It wasn't a good *fit*.
If your therapist says that he can't help you, that he thinks you need to see someone else, he is NOT *rejecting* you. He is acknowledging a limitation on his part. He is saying that *HE* doesn't have the right tools to help you. He is not saying that noone can help you, nor that he doesn't want to help you, nor that he thinks you don't need and deserve help. He is just saying that *HE* isn't the one who can give you that help.
My therapist was right. She taught me all that she knew. I needed to find someone who could teach me something different.
Ask your therapist to help you find someone who is really good with eating disorders. And good luck.
poster:fallsfall
thread:648671
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060526/msgs/648874.html