Posted by happyflower on May 19, 2006, at 21:04:20
I sat in between both of my kids tonight watching a movie, eating strawberry shortcake, and just relaxing. Now this is what life is about and that is what is so great about kids, they seem to love you no matter what, at least at their ages.
Today I participated in a psychology test for extra credit for my class. It was very interesting and fun. I really like my class, it is a small class so we are getting a lot of individual attention. My first test is on Tuesday and I feel like I am prepared for it.
Today I also worked out at the university since my regular club is closed today for cleaning. I really liked it there. It was nice to be annoymous for once so I can think about my life and not worry about anyone interupting me.
I don't know what I should do about my T . This is like the 4th time I quit in 1 1/2 years, so he isn't too worried about me I am sure. But I am feeling really hurt that he couldn't make time for me to help me when I really needed him. I was at an all time low about myself and I needed to talk to him. I needed his support. I was feeling very bad about myself and still am, but a little better now. Maybe my T is giving me time to cool off because I usually come to my senses. I know he wasn't in the office today, so I know he won't call over the weekend either. Maybe he won't call at all, I don't know.
The other times, I "fired" him , but this time I just quit, gave up, on myself mostly. I really could of used some inspiration from him but I guess I need him too much because he can't help me when he is so booked up. It is getting old needing to see him for an appoinment and not being able to get in. I feel I can't count on him anymore. I feel like I am too much for him to handle. I feel pretty rejected too in a lot of ways. I don't know if I can go back, without me feeling totally like an idiot for my behavior. All I needed was him to wrap me in a blanket and give me a cup of hot tea, but instead I got "coldness" and felt put outside. I just don't know if I will ever be able to get over this to continue with him. A lot of my trust that took forever to learn is gone.
Why did this happen when I was ready to really dig deep ? I need his help, but I don't know anymore if that is going to happen.Thanks everyone for all your loving and supporting words. I am so glad I have Babble to help me through these things. I still will probably need all of you in the next few days and weeks. I wil try to offer my support as much as I can, even though I am kinda in my own head lately. Love ya all! :-)
Wilted Happyflower
poster:happyflower
thread:646074
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060517/msgs/646074.html