Posted by muffled on May 17, 2006, at 23:12:54
In reply to I'm in a really scary place right now, posted by milly on May 17, 2006, at 17:39:12
> Help, i couldn't convince my pdoc that i;m not a danger to sh*tface, because i'm not convinced myself.
***Thats cuz your good milly and you honest
i don't know i really don't know these plans are so controlling i can't think of much else right now and haven't been able to for a while and it is all building towards Sat which is a huge trigger date for me and when i would have the perfect arena to act on these thoughts.
***THIS WILL PASS.....please try to remember this. Just make it thru one hour, 15 mins., one min. at a time....
i don't feel rational pdoc explained what would happen if i do this but maybe i am the price that has to be paid,
***Milly, you not the price, you not, you very valuable.
then a glimmer of something pdoc said how hard T & i had worked and that i would ruin all that, maybe i can stop this if i think of it like that,
***Ya, T would be pretty dissapointed I guess.
i need T right now, it's not fair, could i email him even though i'm not his responsibility anymore.
***Could you? I dunno?
I'm bad & scared very scared, scared of me scared of them, pdoc is informing the authorities i don't know what happens next but the police will know then and pdoc says i am responsible for my actions but i don't know if thats true,
***If you think you can't do it, goto hosp., thats what its for. Give yourself a break. Why don't they admit you?
Don't be afraid of authorties, you got p-doc and husband to advocate for you.i tried to see sh*tface on the computer and freaked out there was no way i could 'control' that.how am i going to control this thing face to face, yet i want to prove that i'm better than him but maybe i'm not, i want to be seen to have survived him but what if this 'thing' get the better of me maybe not go but then it will never be over.
***"this thing" is just emotions, and beleive me I know they seriously freaky, I only just truly came to understand that all this weird stuff I felt was emotions, and I can let them go. They not evil, they don't control me. I can go to my rational mind once I have done some calming deep breathing.
The emotions get very strong at times, but then they ease up a bit, then they strong, then they ease up. Like waves on the ocean. They DO ease up.
You are better than him Milly. Thats why people want to help you. Because we like and care about you. We want you to be ok, and come thru this stronger than ever and be able to help others who are having crisis. Cuz you KNOW. Others don't know. Only those who been there know, and we goto hang in and help each other.Sorry can't think staight, scared got to go
***Can you imagine me holding your hand? I am holding it tight. Cuz I DO care. I'm hanging on so tight.
Be safe,
Please be safe,
Love,
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:645248
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060517/msgs/645369.html