Posted by Tamar on April 20, 2006, at 9:41:56
Argh! After therapy yesterday I'm fairly convinced that my therapist feels intimidated by me. We were talking about my relationship with my father when I was a teenager and he asked me if I thought perhaps my father had been frightened of me, because of my frequent intellectual challenging of him. And it didn't ring true at all (I think my father was more irked at my 'lack of respect' than frightened). But it sounded as if it was coming straight out of the countertransference, especially as not 5 minutes earlier he'd said something about me evaluating his performance, and he looked as if he felt a bit vulnerable (closed body language etc).
Don't know how to fix it...
Meanwhile huge fights with husband; have cut myself again recently and wanted to cut myself more after today's fight. Instead I've decided to leave him. Can't go on like this. It has to stop. Can't stand being shouted at right now. I try to talk carefully and rationally with him but he just screams and curses at me and I can't take it. I've begged him to stop but it just continues. I know I'm not easy to live with, especially because of the depression, but I can't handle the emotional rollercoaster.
Gee, and there I was worrying about the transference in therapy... when the biggest problem is the transference in my marriage... When my father screamed at me, I left the house. And I can't stay with my husband when he screams at me so much. I don't want to leave the kids but I can't tolerate it even one more day. I don't want to hurt the kids but I will hurt myself if I stay.
Anyway, just wanted to say if you don't hear from me for a little while, it'll be because I'm nowhere near a computer, but I'll try to check in if I get the chance.
Thanks everyone for all your support.
Love,
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:635205
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060406/msgs/635205.html