Posted by alexandra_k on November 18, 2005, at 22:07:04
In reply to Why do we develop so much of feelings towards T?, posted by orchid on November 18, 2005, at 21:08:37
I guess we spend quite a bit of time with them. Though we spend more with other people in our lives, typically. But I guess it has to do with 'quality time' in the sense that you are the focus of their attention the time you are with them.
> Is it just because we share so much with them?
Maybe its about the kind of stuff that we share. Intimate stuff. The stuff we can't talk about with other people in our lives. The stuff we are afraid to share etc.
> Or is that because we don't know anything about them and tend to think the highest of them?You are supposed to be the focus of their attention when they are with you. Real world relationships aren't like that. They have reciprocity. You have to give as well as take the centre of attention. Also... They are supposed to be completely focused on your welfare and what is good / useful to you. In the real world things aren't like that because other people have their own desires and preferences too. Reciprocity again.
Also... Because they don't really share much about themselves. The less you share... The more you attempt to be 'neutral' and trying to get the client to think on things... The more the client is going to project all kinds of things onto the therapist. I mean if you are the centre of attention then you might come to think that the therapist is similarly wonderful with all people that they encounter in their daily lives. But of course... Nobody can play the therapist role all the time. That would require someone with super-human powers ;-)
> Also any tips on how to redirect these feelings towards husband? Is that even healthy to develop such obsessive and intense feelings in real life relationship?
'obsessive' feelings probably aren't so healthy.
i wonder about how much therapy relationships only set us up for disappointment when it comes to real world relationships...
if you work through the transference / projections then yeah, i guess that means relinquishing the ideal... but do people do this? how many? i'm not sure, i'm not sure...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:580253
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/580271.html