Posted by 10derHeart on November 16, 2005, at 1:22:17
...can anyone spare a hug?
Nothing much else will help yet.
It's just that therapy has been so hard for 2 sessions. I'm wrung out and a bit lost. I feel it'll be ok eventually - T. says he's sure it will be and he wants us to get through this.
I know I haven't posted any details lately on what's happening. I promise I will very, very soon. This has to do with his policy of allowing unlimited email between sessions. I've been emailing him regularly for about 6 months now. But, he's now apparently done some soul-searching and examining the "health" of our relationship, and come to a decision the emailing is bad for him, for me, and for the therapeutic relationship in general.
I can't go into the details yet, I'm just too upset. Let's just say this has been super-painful for me, as I am so very attached and have so relied on the emails for stability and comfort between sessions. I think for him, too, it's bad, 'cause he's said he's "shocked" he felt he had to do something unilateral like this, when his way is to let clients take the lead in changes 99.9% of the time. Poor guy...but, I'm so furious and hurt it's hard for me to deal with his feelings. Which of course, he tells me not to worry about anyway. yeah. uh-huh.
I cried for 45 minutes straight in my session today, once I realized he really, truly doesn't want any more email contact. I told him vry bluntly how angry and confused I was, and how much this totally s*cks for me. He looked very sad himself. I respect his firmness in the face of my obvious distress, and I trust his judgement, but trust in other areas has been (temporarily?) ruptured because he encouraged something I wanted and needed (I thought) and now has stopped it midstream.
wow...I've never come out and asked for hugs before. But I feel so utterly alone. We're probably going to add one or two sessions each month soon, but right now, I'm in shock knowing I can't send an email when I want. BTW (more later) he doesn't really "do" phone calls, either.
Reading over this, it sounds incredibly dumb and silly and weak and needy, blah, blah, blah.
sorry..I just didn't know where else to turn. Others IRL don't *ever* get topics like this.
:-(
poster:10derHeart
thread:579218
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/579218.html