Posted by annierose on November 12, 2005, at 14:21:11
In reply to Re: Knowing and not knowing... » Annierose, posted by Pfinstegg on November 12, 2005, at 11:35:54
(I'm at work so I may have to cut this reply short)
I guess what we are all talking about is how painful and hard this work is. It takes us to places that are difficult, but putting words to the experiences, helps our psyche digest them in such a way that the trauma interferes less and less in our daily life. At least, that is the hope. And, yes, I am hopeful.
The confusing part to me (or one of the confusing parts) is the relationship itself between client and therapist. I find it hard to accept how important she is to me. Meanwhile, I function in the real world, running my business and family, while I have this "secret" life in my therapist's office. In her office, I feel so imcompetent, so stupid. I struggle with loving her and hating the places she is taking me to. I still censor my thoughts, although I'm getting much better and letting her hear my unedited accounts.
Yes, it is so difficult to physically keep myself on the couch. I so much wanted to move somewhere else in the office, and told her so. She tried to get me to put words to the feeling of needing to hide, reminding me that it was okay, that I was okay with her. It's so confusing right now, that I am finding it hard to post any threads too (but I try to help others). As I left her office yesterday, I felt thankful that I was seeing a psychodynamic/analytical orientated therapist. I know this is what I need to free myself from my inner angst.
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I always enjoy reading your perspective and happy you check in with babble from time to time. You are very insightful from your place on the floor at the edge of the couch (I almost curled up into a ball yesterday, then quickly realized that she wouldn't understand a word I was saying).
poster:annierose
thread:577897
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/578041.html