Posted by muffled on November 12, 2005, at 13:09:59
In reply to Knowing and not knowing..., posted by Pfinstegg on November 11, 2005, at 20:22:50
> I haven't been posting lately here, because therapy has been so hard for the past year that I hardly knew what to say about it. But now things are, for the moment, anyway, so much better. I feel I can really say anything to him, - and I do!>
*Thats so nice to hear.
But, I haven't gotten to the real subject of my post, which is that a part of me is certain that my father molested me when I was six years old, and another part of me is equally certain that it never happened. (The six-year old knows it happened, but the adult thinks it never did). It comes up vividly in dreams, in drawings with the art therapist, and in many sudden slips of the tongue in my analyst's office. But the whole thing is kind of like Schrodinger's Cat in quantum mechanics- both dead and alive at the same time. Learning to accept that all of me may never know makes me very uneasy, but my analyst says that memory is so complex, and still not very well understood, and that I need to keep becoming more comfortable with the concept that my different ego states in fact may have differing memories and experiences. A very long way of asking: is anyone else having an experience like this?
*Sorry to hear of your sad memories. I'm not so separated, but I was recently surprized to find that there was a part of me that would seem to know stuff that I don't. Its making me feel a little weird all right. But I just sort of tell myself that that stuff(I don't think its anything too bad?-I had after all the perfect childhood) is 'her' stuff(she feels shes SO bad), and I don't really want to know.I don't feel bad about myself anymore. I was sitting in the tub and started to get a flash of something but I blocked it real fast cuz I don't want to know. I just want that 'other' me to intergrate w/me somehow so i can stop the chewing in my guts and just stop being so screwed up somehow.
Nice to meet you.
Muffled.
>
poster:muffled
thread:577897
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/578026.html