Posted by daisym on November 8, 2005, at 17:06:15
In reply to Re: I'm afraid (slight trigger) » daisym, posted by Tamar on November 8, 2005, at 6:22:20
I think I have a similiar experience around oral sex. In my dating days (tmi warning) I felt powerful and in control when it came to this. I could stay virtually untouched and they were happy. I've talked about this in therapy and he thinks perhaps I was trying to master the fear it brings up for me, even if I refused to know for a long time what that fear was about. Since my memories are so loaded with visceral components, including smells, etc. -- this is one of those things that causes serious melt downs afterwards.
As far as telling my husband "no because my therapist said so" - nope, I've never done it like that. But just the fact that he offers himself as a barrier in those really hard times gives me permission to believe that it might be OK to say no. It is a rescue of sorts, relief for the younger parts of me that someone gets it. I don't know if that makes sense...
I asked today if it would be easier to engage in sex if I wasn't telling the stories again. The answer was 'probably.' That made the tears come and we did a lot of processing about why I need to tell the stories, even if they are getting in the way of this. Gosh this is all so hard. Who knew?
poster:daisym
thread:576259
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/576821.html