Posted by Tamar on October 23, 2005, at 12:30:22
In reply to Re: Chapter 3 » Annierose, posted by fallsfall on October 23, 2005, at 10:55:06
Hi Falls,
> I don't think that my descriptions of what goes on at this site have given him a good understanding of what we do. Either I'm not explaining it right, or he is hearing through filters. I can't figure out any way for him to understand other than reading babble - which I haven't been able to convince him to do. Maybe on Thursday I'll ask if we can spend the session reading Babble. But at what point am I just continuing to argue with him? How do I tell if he DOES understand, but simply disagrees? This is a common pattern for me. I believe that the other person doesn't agree because they don't completely understand - when in reality perhaps they don't agree because they don't agree? How do I determine the difference? When do I stop trying to convince them of my perspective and start listening to theirs?
If you can’t get him to live in your house (that idea made me smile!), then maybe getting him to read Babble is the next best thing.
To be honest, I think it’s all very well for him to disagree with you, but as you point out, you need to be sure that he really does understand. And if he refuses to read Babble, then I’m not sure he’s being open enough to having a full and frank discussion. Of course, he might read Babble and still disagree… or he might read Babble and still not understand. But it would be a gesture of goodwill if he would agree to read.
I guess I tend to think that therapy is a relationship like any other. When I’m experiencing difficulties in any relationship I talk about it to my friends because I need to. Of course, therapy is also unlike all other relationships… and I suppose it’s possible to make a case that one aspect of its distinctness is that it shouldn’t be talked about with friends. While this might perhaps be true (and I’m not persuaded that it is), I think in fact it might be somewhat unrealistic. If I feel I need to talk about something, I simply can’t keep a lid on it. Some people can; I can’t. It’s part of who I am and I feel no pressing desire to change it!
And maybe you don’t have to agree with your therapist. Or he doesn’t have to agree with you. Maybe he’d feel he can’t help you as much if you don’t agree with him about this. But it seems to me that there’s something of a trade off and if it works for you at least he seems to acknowledge that you’re allowed to make the decision yourself!
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:570043
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051018/msgs/570928.html