Posted by fallsfall on October 21, 2005, at 20:45:45
In reply to Counter-transference : a novel /, posted by fallsfall on October 21, 2005, at 18:00:36
On Thursday, I started the session by saying that I hadn't figured out how to start the session. I knew that I should talk about Monday, but I really didn't want to. So I told him a couple of things that were going on. Like I have a new boss. I didn't say much, but then when I went silent he asked me more about my new boss. So I talked about that and about my daughter and about other trivial things. Things slowed down maybe 5 or 10 minutes before the end, and I brought up Monday. I was feeling like talking about my reaction to his counter-transference was unkind, so I had a hard time figuring out what to say. I also hadn't ever figured out how I DID feel about Monday, so it was kind of hard to tell him how I felt. Finally I got out that I had been confused and upset after Monday's session. He said that it sounded like something important for us to talk about, and that he did want to talk about it on Friday. Saved by the bell.
He then asked if I realized that I brought up this big topic when our time was just about up. And I admitted that I had been avoiding the topic for the whole session. But I knew that I wouldn't be able to avoid it on Friday, too since I had brought it up.
I went to work, but was distracted and had to do a bunch of stuff over again because I did it wrong the first time. My new boss was feeling more independent, and I think that was a blow to my ego, too.
I again refused to talk about what was going on in therapy with my friends. I didn't want to go against my therapist's wishes, and I didn't want my friends to criticize my therapist. It is OK for me to be angry at him, but I still want everyone else to think he's great.
Annierose's post about her session on Thursday resonated with me, and answering her post helped me to prepare to talk about all of this with my therapist on Friday morning.
poster:fallsfall
thread:570043
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051018/msgs/570157.html