Posted by pinkeye on May 20, 2005, at 16:51:51
In reply to maybe it was because i told her...., posted by shrinking violet on May 20, 2005, at 16:17:10
My heart goes out to you.. as always.
I wish I can take care of you, and not make you hurt, and make things allright with your T.
Take Care SV.
Don't hurt so much.. It hurts all of us to see you hurting so much. But do went here all you want.. and we do care about you.
I know the whole thing looks really really awful now. I have still not recovered completely from losing my ex T. But after 4 months, the pain has definitely eased a lot. And I know now, that it had to happen. I was hurting too much with him before the termination also. I had huge transference, and was just hurting myself.. And whatever he did, I was hurting. if he replied, I would hurt myself that he wasn't more warm and more affectionate. If he didn't reply, I would hurt that he ignored me.. If he was affectionate, I would hurt myself for making him like me..and wonderign what am I doing with a married guy.. and when I wrote I used to feel guilty about my husband.. There were all sorts of difficulties.
Now I realize, that it was just my destiny.. to go through that kind of intense attachment to a person, and to lose the person - actually now I feel that losing him was a turning point .. It made me probe deeper. It has revealed several things about myself, which I was not aware of myself before. And I have used that hurt and loss to grow.
I still wish I hadn't lost contact so abruptly, and that I had some way of keeping up minimal contact, but the point is, you can use this to grow yourself. And not let yourself go down. The point of failing is not to go down forever.. It is to pick yourself up and emerge a stronger person.
I hope that you do it. for your sake and for the sake of your T. That is what I tell myself when I feel bad - I know whatever it was, howmuchever I got hurt, I know my ex T meant extremely well.. he never would have wanted me to hurt. And I know in he did what he thought was the right thing to do. That is why I try not to hold grudge against him and not get angry with him. Maybe you can do something like that.
poster:pinkeye
thread:500434
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/500447.html