Posted by happyflower on May 16, 2005, at 8:50:52
In reply to T on Why I Don't Feel Safe, posted by Poet on May 14, 2005, at 14:47:13
> She thinks that I push people away because I am terrified of having relationships including one with her. So I reject people before they can reject me. Even though I know that she isn't going to reject me, I still put up my *walls* and try to shut her out.
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> That I built those walls because I needed to protect myself from certain people. I don't need to protect myself from everybody. be seeing her .... That she wishes that I could just stop being stubborn and realize that my self protection isn't necessary. That I am hurting myself, not helping myself.
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Wow, boy do I indentify with you on this. This is my main problem in my life. Starting with my parents, friends, they have let me down. Now instead of trusting openly, I let stupid things about the other person get in the way of developing a realtionship with them. I look for the faults so I won't be hurt in the relationship. The problem is that everyone has faults, and everyone CAN hurt me, so I don't let myself open up to new relationships. If I don't trust them all the way, then it gives me the option to duck out of the friendship before they reject or hurt me.
I am finally trusting my T, it is a scary feeling for me. But the problem is that it isn't a real friendship, so I will probably get hurt all over again when my therapy is over. So I am going to try to make friends again in my life, so maybe before therapy is over, I will have real people in my life. Maybe losing my T won't hurt so bad if I have others in my life to take over for support. But for now, my T is showing me that I can trust SOMEONE, he isn't letting me down. He has taught me so much, even more than he probably realizes. At least I feel there is hope now.
poster:happyflower
thread:497723
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/498421.html