Posted by pinkeye on March 6, 2005, at 13:52:04
In reply to Help...I'm trying to hold it together....., posted by messadivoce on March 5, 2005, at 2:22:28
I think anything that is exciting or stressful or sad is hard to handle well. I used to feel so excited when I had to give a presentation or sing for a group in my music classes. But with age, it has come down a lot. Now I am able to be indifferent mostly..
You shall be able to come to that stage with more performances and shows and anxiety will slowly wear down.
As for your director, I know it must hurt, to not receive any comments from someone you want to get approval from. But hang in there, and do your best, and you might just end up finding someone else, who would be more than happy to give you the pats on the back you need. Maybe the fact that he is not giving you comments is the one that makes you keep looking at it from him. Like, if we are denied something, then we keep trying to get it from a person. Once we get it, we just toss it away and find something else to long for.
I can understand the speical feeling that you would have got when your ex T attended the performance. I would be incredibly touched too if my ex T is somehow aware of my achievements and will be there for the show. I don't think I will ever have it ever though.
If you are going to change your life significantly, find some T wherever you settle down to help you through the initial stress. That would help immensely.
And singing is a hard profession.. the excitement, the public cheers, being in the limelight, is so incredibly hard. Wish you good luck and I will pray the you will have the grace to accept your successes, and the strength to not crumble at the losses.
> My ex T came to my junior recital last year, which was incredible special. Unlike my director, of course, he was not music savvy at all. But when I saw him the day after at my session, he couldn't stop saying how much he enjoyed it, how good I was onstage, etc. It was everything I needed. Just to stand onstage at my recital and see him grinning from ear to ear in the last seat of the back row was enough. I always put out such huge pieces of my heart onstage, and I know that my ex T was accepting of all of that.
>
> I guess that's how it feels with my director, that I'm putting my heart out there and he doesn't care. Or that he thinks I'm dumb or something. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does. Enough about him......
>
> On a different note, I am at 3 weeks with no therapy and I'm starting to really feel it. I feel so fragmented, like I'll fly to pieces. My "current" T will be coming to the show tomorrow or Sunday, but I won't get to really talk to her. I miss her. I never realized what an anchoring effect being in therapy had on me. I'm just so frightened at this point...I'll be graduating in May, moving back home, trying to find a way to marry my honey ($$$ are an issue), trying to learn to live with my folks again, find a job, on and on.
>
> I know what's doing this to me. It's this d@mn show. And people wonder why singers are in therapy their whole lives.
>
> I miss my Ts. So much. I'm trying to hold myself but it's not working. I feel like I'm asking you all to physically hold me up.
poster:pinkeye
thread:466311
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/467402.html