Posted by gardenergirl on November 4, 2004, at 23:05:35
In reply to Re: Memories *could be a trigger, about dead people* » gardenergirl, posted by sunny10 on November 1, 2004, at 14:29:56
Wow, sounds like you do have a lot of fodder for therapy. But then I guess we all do...some is just more intense perhaps than others.
About co-dependency...I have some experience with that, as I grew up with an alcoholic father. My brother is also an alcoholic, and I would say my mom is quite co-dependent on him. In their case, (and you could never convince them of it), Mom takes care of my bro every time he loses a job or gets evicted or whatever. She pays his rent, does his laundry, provides a place for him to return time and time again. It drives me and my sister nuts as we are so afraid that someday (ugh) when she is no longer here to take care of him, he will turn to us.
My brother is clearly dependent on my mom. He is 40 going on about 14. So why does my mom do this? My guess is that she gets important needs of her own met by having someone depend on her. She doesn't have much else in life besides work and dealing with my bro. Perhaps an overboard response to the empty nest syndrome? :)
So, are you dependent on abusers? No. But many if not most people who are abused DO get something out of the relationship. If you got nothing but abuse, clearly you wouldn't continue the relationship. In the case of a child, the child literally is dependent on the abuser. For adults, it's harder to pin down what needs are being met. But something is there.
Does this make sense?
Take care,
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:409684
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041104/msgs/411949.html