Posted by Aphrodite on October 10, 2004, at 7:58:53
In reply to Ever hear of a consultation on therapy?, posted by Emily Elizabeth on October 9, 2004, at 22:53:08
Good timing on your post! This just happened to me. I have been with my T for a year, and though I think he is very competent and caring, I am much, much worse. I have nothing to compare him to considering I have never had therapy before. While my T was on vacation, I went to another for a second opinion. I think in general it is very looked down on in the profession, but the consulting T was very ameanable and said it was "refreshing" to see patients seek other opinions to take care of themselves. I think I had reached a point that I feared that I stayed with my T out of loyalty and because he's nice. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
Without divulging much about my therapy, I explained my situation to the new T. Not only did he give me the exact same diagnosis as my current T, but his style/approach was exactly the same. He even did a great job explaining why I am worse a year later and said I would be the same way if I had been with him for a year. So, the second opinion was extremely validating. I had something to compare my current therapy to. I liked the second T, so I also felt better knowing that there was another competent T out there if mine moves or a piano drops on him.
I do have to say that the second T asked several probing questions about my therapy that exposed a weakness in my relationship with my current T. It gave me a lot to think about.
So, when my T returned, I confessed after a couple of visits. He was great about it, very reassuring, and he said that my only loyalty should be to my own well-being. In a check-in call later, he said that he was glad the other T talked about our weakness (which is emergency procedures and my continued reluctance to call my T when I need him) and said he was glad this gave us an excuse to shore up that part of our relationship.
The one thing I would do differently was to have been up front with my T about it. Even though he said he wasn't offended, he is human and I can't imagine it stung just a little. So, I asked him what he would have done if I had asked him, and he said he had a couple of psychologists he would have happily referred me to if I wanted. It wasn't as big of a deal or betrayal as I thought.
I think you should not sneak around as I did! The consultation will either reassure you or give you food for thought. Good luck.
poster:Aphrodite
thread:401006
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/401106.html