Posted by Lonely on August 19, 2004, at 21:24:31
In reply to she said it's real, and asked...., posted by shrinking violet on August 19, 2004, at 19:44:48
> our >relationship. She did say that she views it >as: "genuine, caring, and real" (that's >verbatim).
I'm hearing those words quite a bit on this board but can't remember my T (the one who died) ever actually using them. She did ask me in a demanding way once if there wasn't a special bond between us. Then, before I said anything she said "and if you don't say yes I'm going to throw you out right now." She wasn't kidding either. I said "yes." And it was true - there was a very special and powerful bond. She said on another occassion that I would never be the same after going through that relationship.
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> Although I think she meant that it's genuine, >caring and real in the frame of the therapy, >which is fine, I guess but.....I get confused >because somehow it seems like she's talking >beyond that, even though I know she probably >couldn't be. I'm angry at her and /or >being there (even though I'm usually not) and >she tends to react to it (she acts like it >bothers her personally somehow, but I don't >know, I could be reading more into it than is >there. I just think that sometimes, for a T, she >reacts to things too much and in a way that >doesn't seem like it's totally therapeutic).If I'm putting the right spin on what you're saying, I have had similiar experiences with my T also (again, the one who died). On the one head there were all these "boundaries" but on the other hand there were direct references to what we would some day after therapy. And I know I'm not imagining it because a mutual friend referenced something like that too. But, I also reacted in anger because it seemed like when I showed, verbally, my caring and frustration that it was rejected. Too many mixed messages.
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> She also asked me something I didn't think was quite fair: and before I could finish the thought, she >said, "But you could see me fitting in your life >in some way," and I said yes.
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> I don't know, it just bothered me that she asked that. I don't know if she was curious, or if she was trying to boost her ego a little, or what, but....it just felt like she was pouring salt into the wound. :(
Maybe it was a little bit of both. I didn't have quite exactly the same experience because she never asked me how I felt about her as a friend but she did often ask me about our "relationship" and how I perceived her. I think, too, that my T knew she might be facing a life as an invalid or semi-invalid some day. Although she had many friends I don't think she had anyone THAT close and I know that underneath it all she was very frightened. Since your T has had a very serious injury she might have some of those same feelings. But, I doubt that she will admit although I'm very willing to be wrong!
Hmmm, do other board readers/posters hear that from their therapists???
Maybe sick and/or disabled therapists would be an interesting topic here at some point. By "sick" I'm referring to people who have a physical disease. I think most therapists have had psychological problems of their own or they would not have gone into the field. That's what my T told me. She also was starting to suggest I consider it.
poster:Lonely
thread:377579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/379663.html