Posted by Dinah on August 19, 2004, at 14:06:06
In reply to Re: The Therapeutic Relationship » Susan47, posted by mair on August 19, 2004, at 12:55:09
Mair, I've never gotten the impression you wanted any more from your therapist than you get either. Do you actually find your relationship painful? Or do you just have trouble accepting that she cares for you within the therapeutic relationship?
I must admit that the latter has been quite a struggle for me. When I write things like my "best moments" above, it seems clear that the caring is genuine, albeit limited to the therapeutic relationship. But when I write things like the "worst moments" above - that characterized our early relationship, I also understand the trust issues I had and still sometimes have with him.
All that being said, I highly value the therapeutic relationship for what it represents in itself - not as a substitute for other relationships. I always say I'd kill myself without my therapist, but maybe what I mean is I'd kill myself without a good therapeutic relationship - how is that for a forward step in progress. And I know how very hard it is to find a good match, or as in my case, to work hard at making a so-so match into a good one through years of hard work. I guess I've learned a lot of relationship skills along the way, but I'm not sure how generally applicable they are.
What was I saying? Oh yes. Is it really the limitations of the therapeutic relationship that bother you or is it your general feelings that spring from your overall way of feeling that you aren't someone that others would care for.
Because I have to say that I hope you know those are distorted thoughts. My experience with you is that everyone who mentions your name thinks you're pretty terrific and well worth caring for. I know, I know. That probably doesn't help much. But I was just wondering if your discomfort with your therapist came more from trust than with boundaries, and your trust problems may have more to do with your feelings about yourself than anything she has or hasn't done.
Or I may be way off base.
poster:Dinah
thread:379308
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/379493.html