Posted by cricket on June 28, 2004, at 13:37:53
In reply to Re: Questions, posted by antigua on June 28, 2004, at 13:10:11
> Yes, I still doubt if "it" happened. I just told my T that today. Denial is one of the strongest defenses. We used it to help us get through the trauma so we could survive. Doubting is perfectly natural. For me, there are some big things I still doubt, but slowly but surely the pieces are fitting together so that in my mind and my gut I know it's true. You'll know when you get there.
>
> It's a really long process for some people (14 years for me and still counting!) but I'm a much happier, healthier person now because I have a (little) better understanding of why I react the way I do to certain situations in the present. I function much better now, even if I'm still working on it.
>
> Please don't give up.
> antigua
>
>Hi Antigua,
Thanks for your encouraging words. It's not the abuse that I doubt. Even though there are huge holes in my memory, I do remember enough to know that there was some really bad stuff happening back then and there were strange injuries and illnesses to corroborate.
It's the trauma part that I doubt. How could so many years have passed (15+) and now I am suffering from those horrible times. And if that is the awful truth that it wasn't enough to survive but now I have to somehow deal with it all because it still exists in part of me.
Then there's the recovery part I doubt too. To recover means to get something back that was lost or taken away, right? But the abuse in my case started so young (it's one of my earliest memories) that I never had a chance to have anything to begin with. There is nothing for me to recover.
It is good to hear that you are getting better though, slowly but surely and I guess that somewhere deep inside I have that hope too. Otherwise why do I keep throwing my money away like this?
Thanks again.
poster:cricket
thread:361334
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040624/msgs/361372.html