Posted by LibbyH on April 4, 2003, at 15:43:47
In reply to Re: Missing work, posted by noa on April 4, 2003, at 11:07:55
noa, I was really dreading going back to work today myself. I have degrees & skills that qualify me for far more than I am doing, but I made a decision after my second major depressive episode that I wasn't going to be able to keep up with the career I was trained for, so I went in search of a job where I could make a contribution but where my absences wouldn't create such awful backlashes. I'll never be a manager again. Instead, I sit on a staff, making some other manager look good --- when I'm here!
When I'm not, someone else has to make her look good. So far, she's been content with that because I make her look REALLY REALLY good!
I'm also lucky in that I was promoted to a high level at a ridiculously young age, so there's no need for me to try & climb the ladder anymore. I guess my greatest achievement is being a truly remarkable underachiever. On the other hand, I've had FIVE "breakdowns" and am still working so that's something.
When I came back this time, most of my major assignments had been given away to people who, for various reasons, thought they were choice assignments and went after them. My boss approached the subject very gingerly with me. "I hope you won't mind, but so & so wanted to the (blank) project & since you weren't here..." I wanted to shout with joy because none of them were things I actually enjoyed doing in the first place. I have long since given up any emotional attachment to what I do at work. My job is a business transaction. I contribute work in exchange for a paycheck. They tell me what to do & deposit money into my account.
So anyway, today, my first day back after breakdown number five, 75% of the content of my job changed. I guess I should be stressed out about that, but I'm fine with it.
Before I went to the hospital, I was the manager of IT resources for our department. Now I am the manager of the risk assessment program. It's all the same to me. I figure if I want to stay employed, I can no longer afford to care WHAT I do, I just have to do whatever I am asked to do to the best of my ability & with as little complaint as possible. As long as I do that, my boss will support me, so it's a good deal.
I hope you find a situation you can live with as well. Bosses are pretty simple. They really want very little... to look good themselves and to make the organization look good. Looking good themselves always takes precedent over the org. A cynical attitude maybe, but it has never let me down... so I went to my boss early on & said, "Look, I know my depression can cause some difficulties for you, but if you can accomodate me, I will do my best to pay you back." She gave me a shot & this morning told me she has never regretted it...
So it CAN be done... Good luck to you!
L.
poster:LibbyH
thread:213397
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030310/msgs/216251.html