Posted by fuzzymind on January 8, 2003, at 12:15:15
Freshman year in HS, my desk was next to a jewish guy in geometry clss. I aced a test ,and he got a C. He saw my paper, and he started teasing me. This went on for the rest of the year. This is one of the 2 Jewish assholes who heckled me during a speech . I tried to slit my wrists when I didn't want to give the speech, but my parents never got me help and sent me to school the next day. That is when the heckling happened. If my desk wasnt' next to his guy, I wonder if my high school experinece would be differeent. I was new to the area and I didn't knwo anyone, but my chacnes were spoiled.
Freshman year of college, I was roomed with an abusive football player at an Ivy League school. Alwasy criticizing me, directing angry outburts at me. He used to use the N word all the time .The worst thing was that this guy was very good looking and extremely popular with women expecially. ANything I liked, whether it was a rock group, or sports franchise, he would criticize and yell at me about it. One time I was talking to a friend of his about backetball, and he got real angry and started yelling at me. Many more examples. Called me slant eyes, dog eater. Yelled at me that my mother didn't love me enough to write me or send me packages ,which was not true. But I still stew and am enraged with flashbacks 15 years later, even though those things he said wasn't true. A big part of social anxiety is the unreasonable fear of criticism in social situations? What if the fears are true. These things aren't in my head. They occur for real. Abusive jerks really do come after me. The worst was living with one for an entire year!!!! I couldn't enjoy myself at all..anytime I made it known I liked something, he would criticize me. I very much would like to kill him and his family.
Junior year, next door neighbor made many negative remarks about me...being hypersensitive, depressed and suicidal, I felt worse about myself.I knew this pattern would follow me the rest of my life, so I dropped out of life.
Therapy, medication, self help books, unleashing on forums hasn't worked. If only my parents had intervened when I slit my wrists in the bathtub 18 years ago.
poster:fuzzymind
thread:2175
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021230/msgs/2175.html