Posted by Racer on September 3, 2006, at 12:36:19
In reply to Grief sucks, posted by tofuemmy on August 23, 2006, at 18:16:02
You're right. It never goes away.
It does change, though.
I still experience grief and regret about my grandmother, 23 years later. But now, although I sometimes still even cry for her, I don't cry the same way. It's not the bottomless grief that it used to be. I no longer feel her absence, because now I can feel her inside me, more and more. And I cry that she never got to meet my husband. That she never saw my new sewing machine. That she couldn't see me loving her still.
And last year, losing my friend caught me into the same web of grief. I still have huge regrets, and even larger resentment and anger towards her daughter as I learn more of what went on leading to her death. But even there, after only a bit more than a year, now I can look back on her and love her and remember her. I can remember the look on her face as we walked to our cars from the opera together, talking about Donizetti's "Anna Bolegna." I remember her trying to feed me over the years. I remember her face when she took off the faucet without turning off the water first -- how we laughed so hard we could hardly get the water off. I remember washing dogs with her, in our pantyhose and bras, after work. Making fresh pasta together. All the years of good times and love. And, while I'll never lose the regrets, and I'll never lose the grief, the grief itself has changed, and become so much less painful.
As for grieving about myself, though, that's a whole 'nother story. If that ever gets better, I'll let you know.
poster:Racer
thread:679408
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20051017/msgs/682687.html