Posted by Shar on April 4, 2005, at 2:01:51
In reply to Wife of 20 years died 12/16/03, posted by bethesdabob on March 28, 2005, at 11:44:50
I am happy to hear that the dark clouds are behind you now. And, my deepest sympathy to you, as well. I lost my dad as a young teen, and the ripple effect it had on my family was most significant.
As 'survivors' it is tough. You've obviously had to deal with so much--if you were taking the children to school, you had to console them while in deep grief yourself, and the 'alone times' when friends stop (or don't) help, make it all the harder.
I hope and believe that you will survive, and your children will also. If you want to discuss this more, please feel free to contact me at shar(underline)from(underline)babble at yahoo dot com. I volunteer for one of the local Hospice (non-profit) agencies, as well as the local Funeral Consumer's Alliance agency. There is a lot about death and dying (as you pointed out in your post) that just remain leftover puzzle pieces here in the U.S.
Hope you're doing ok,
Shar
> Barb was an epileptic and bipolar, she woke up and told me how lousy she felt (constipation, nausea, sweats, nausea, tightness in chest), asked me to take the kids the school - when I got back an hour later she was laying next to the bed, lifeless eyes staring at the ceiling, vomitus covered her face and chest.
>
> Fifteen months later I kind of feel like Russell Crowe standing on the deck of my wooden sailing ship, I look behind the boat and I see that my ship has only just recently emerged from the large dark fog bank that stretches across the horizon behind me, the sun warms my face and my sails are beginning to fill with wind, don't know where I am but am underway looking for a port to pull into and reprovision.
>
> Several things come to mind looking back at all this:
> - just because someone dies it does not mean that they are no longer with you, they live with you everyday in your hearts and in your thoughts.
> - many people say to you that they feel sorry and want to be of any assistance that they can and let them know what they can do, but when you ask for help they are not available.
> - folks think that it is easy to bounce back, that you recover from your mates death like you recover a skinned knee.
> - most people that you meet have absolutely no idea what it is like to lose someone so close to you like a spouse, have no idea what you're going through.
> - the people that have comforted me the most have been other people that have experienced the same kind of loss within my widow/widower's group, find that now get much comfort in helping recent widows/widowers reconcile to their loss.
poster:Shar
thread:476735
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20041230/msgs/479559.html