Posted by Spriggy on January 29, 2005, at 21:05:23
My father has had bad health problems for years now (diabetes, heart disease, degenerative disc disease).
He's in his 40's but has abused his body in many ways; drugs, smoking 3 packs a day, and not controlling his diabetes.So he has recently been diagnosed with emphysema and they said he has between 3-6 months left.
I have had grandparent's die before, but never anyone this close to me.I feel like I'm already grieving. It's almost as if I'm "dreaming" and not real since this diagnosis. I find myself crying (more like weeping) at different times throughout the day.
And for some weird reason, I find myself feel like I'm grieving over my childhood as well. It's weird.. like I wish I was a little girl again.
I don't know. It's strange and this has triggered so many things in me that I'm not sure how in the world I'll cope when he finally does die.
I am a born again Christian and believe wholeheartedly my father will be better off ( he is a Christian as well).
But even now, I find myself questioning even my faith-- which has always been my anchor.
I guess facing death is just weird in that way. it makes you question everything.
Is it normal to experience such grief even before the death???
Thanks for listening.
poster:Spriggy
thread:449955
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20041230/msgs/449955.html