Posted by nukeme1(Mike) on January 15, 2004, at 16:35:56
Hi, I have been reading various threads, and I am so sad myself. I find myself relating to almost everyone here... here is my story:
I met a girl way back in the days of level 5 high school. I found her wonderful, so I asked our mutual friend if she had a boyfriend. I later found out that she was also talking about me a whole lot. I was only 16 and she was 14. She told me, two weeks into the relationship that she felt like I was "the one". Roughly a month later, we made love for both of our first times, and I will never forget that moment. A year later, we broke up cause I was a jealous dick, but managed to get back together within a week and I had totally changed my ways. well, roughly five years down the line, I graduated from a thing we call Cegep (between high school and university) and found a job in the computer field. She got a Professional diploma in woodworking and was currently working in a convenience store. She moved from her parent's house and I (having so many big plans that would be sacrificed) followed her two months later. It was like pure joy. I was just full of hormones and feeling like we had just started going out. I was doing everything, cleaning, giving her rides, cooking, massaging, caring like none other could. I loved her and saw myself spending the rest of my life with her. We had a few different views and she did not have any friends besides mine that became mutual friends. She had decided to take a second job to make a bit of extra cash to help pay off the rest of out expenses, new washer, fridge, cookware. A month later, we were 20 and 22 respectively, and she was starting to talk about this guy at work that was a good friend now. I was happy for her, but at the same time was starting to get worried because she was talking about him more and more and now she was going out for coffee after work with him quite often. one day, I came hom for lunch and found her and that guy drinking coffee. I did not take to it very well, but soothed my hormones and did not say a word. we were approaching christmas time (2003) and I was really happy about being with her. I have got to mention that sexually, she seemed to have problems wanting to have sex as often as me. sometimes, it would be 2 times a week, sometimes, once every three months. I really hated trying to arouse her, because she would shiver or growl at me and even yell sometimes. I felt so useless. When we did have sex, it was magical and wonderful, the perfect expression of my unconditionnal love for her. I always made sure that she was satisfied, even sometimes stopping when she had climaxed even though I had not yet because I didn't want to ruin the moment, I wanted her to have wonderful memories of our encounters. Anyhow. one evening, the 25th, I was supposed to have a late familly supper and sleep at my parent's and she had to work so she said that she had made plans to go grab a coffee with that guy since he was not doing anyhing that night. I had my supper shortened by bad weather and called her to tell her I could pick her up or go out with the both of them. She told me that the guy felt uncomfortable around me so she would rather we do it another time. she got off work at 11 pm and cam back home around 2 am. I was a nervous wreck, the weather was horrible. She said she did not go to coffee, but instead went to the guy's place and they just talked, listened to music and had a coffee. on the 24th and 25th, I forgot to mention, we had glorious sex, the kind that makes you glow inside. for cristmas, she bought me a playstation2 and I bought her a dremmel. I loved her so and she did me. In the past weeks, she had not been sleeping well, only getting a few hours of sleep a night and barely eating. on the 30th, I had to work, and she spent the day with that guy, they went for a coffee to a really nice place after work and then she watched a dvd at his place. I did not want to complain as not to seem controlling or jealous, but I did tell her that I would appreciate her spending a little less time with him and a little more with me and that my friends and family agreed that this was not normal. we then went with another couple we know to the hilton in quebec city. what a beautiful weekend. then three nights later, she told me it was over, that she was tired, that it wasn't working between us, that she felt horrible about refusing me sex and also felt horrible about having a seemignly below-average libido. I freaked and asked if it was because of the guy, she swore up and down that this had nothing to do with him, that this was not the cause, that we had problems, that she needed to change her life and be alone, she said it was to the point where she could not even feel well when trying to hug me or be held by me. I was devastated. I moved out the next day, my friends were ultra supportive as were my family. they all said that it would be ok, that I could find so much better and that I would be so much happier with someone else. three days later, I went to pickup a few things I had forgotten around midnight and the guy was there, they were "just watching a movie". and told me that nothing would ever happen with another guy for a long time because as long as she did not feel comfortable hugging or sexually, she could not have a relationship. The next morning when I dropped off my friend (who lives nearby) I noticed the guy's car was still there. I thought the worst. she told me later that she is changing he life, she is living every day separately, never thinking of the future or plans. she says they hugged and kissed (no tongue) for the whole night, and the next but that she would never forget me. She said the love with him is so different from the one we shared, she felt horrible and was adamant about getting the point across that no matter what this seemed like, she did not expect this to happen and she did not leave me for him. She said I look better, was phsically everything that she ever dreamed and that I had more money, that I was bigger, stronger and sexier than him. She said that his only feature is his really blue eyes and that he was cute but had a weird mouth. I was eveything for her. I would have given my whole life to make her happy. every string in me had come appart. I feel like nothing. I am so scared of what their relationship will wield. I mean, I spent over six years trying to make it work, most people are saying to me that the only reason that it lasted so long was because of my tireless efforts. But she tried as well, I found a half-empty bottle of some natural drug that she was secretly using to try an boost our sexual relationship. she told me over and over while we were together that she was so scared of losing me because I would get tired of her bellyaching or woudl get fed up of no sex, but to me, sex was a tiny problem because of the wealth of love that I had for her. Now, I can fear that maybe she will have sex with this guy, and maybe she will have a kind of super-libido since we've split and that thought breaks me because I know that she loved it when we would do it, I would add variety to her taste and would do anything she liked. Also, I had asked her multiple times if she would need me to change anything to please her or get her aroused, she told me no, that I was perfect in every way, that she wished she had a switch that she could turn on for it to work. but when she broke up she said that she was tired of trying and even trying to think of trying. I am now a broken mess, I don't know how to go on....I wish something would swoop down and end this. I am so sad.........it has been close to a week that she has been with this guy and he appears to be sleeping over quite often...man my life sucks...I just don't know what to do anymore....
-the empty shell that used to be Mike
poster:nukeme1(Mike)
thread:301327
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/301327.html