Posted by kev423 on December 17, 2003, at 17:09:31
I lost my mom nearly eight weeks ago very unexpectedly. She was a vibrant, beautiful 56 year-old woman.
It's truly difficult when one loses a parent, but I also lost my best friend. This was the person I went to when things were good and when things were not so good. We would call each other 4-5 times a week, and often our conversation consisted of nothing more than "So, what did you have for dinner tonight?"
I'm a single gay male (32) and I have been quite successful in my working life, but I have never felt so defeated and so helpless in my entire life. I'm not suicidal, but I have entered into this black hole where I begin to question everything-- my faith, my personality, my decisions in life . . . everything.
I suppose I'm very fortunate. I had a great relationship with my mom. Everytime before I hung up the phone with her, I told her that I loved her.
I guess I'm posting this message so that others going through grief know that they are not alone. They're not the only ones driving down the freeway thinking they're ok, only to break down and start sobbing 30 seconds later. They're not the only ones who think of something funny they want to tell their loved one, but have to remember that their loved one is gone before they start to dial the phone. They're not alone in having to delete numbers from their mobile phone and email addresses from their internet service just so that they won't have to see their loved ones' name glaring out at them.
I don't know when the pain will ease. I miss my mom so painfully much. Even as an adult when I was staying at her house, she would come in and kiss me goodnight. And now, I've got to plan for that miserable day in the future when I box up the things at her house.
So, to others going through this, just realize you're not alone. I have to believe what people tell me -- that it will never be the same, but it will get easier. I'm not sure when that time is, but I'm hoping it does get easier. I have become non-functioning as of late. I just want to lay on the couch and cover up with a blanket.
Thanks to all the caring people on this board. This community helps more than you may know.
poster:kev423
thread:291048
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/291048.html