Posted by Dena on September 15, 2003, at 16:21:02
In reply to Re: I need Help. » Mick D, posted by Susan J on September 14, 2003, at 14:57:03
I've been there too, Mick - really going all out to help someone when they were in need, & then they ended up expecting the help & even took advantage of me - actually put me & my family in jeopardy.
I felt a type of grief then - a grieving of my innocence, a grieving of what I thought was a friendship. It turned out that these people went from family to family, using them by playing on their sympathies. I felt jaded & cynical for a while after that.
Now, I'm just more careful. I've also helped people without expecting anything in return - just a free gift. It felt liberating to let go of all strings, just to let them have what they needed. So, I don't lend anymore - I just give, & if they want to give back to me, or to give to another, that's their decision.
I'd recommend that you speak honestly & directly to your "friends". But don't attack, just let them know how you feel, like, "I was happy to help you out, but you haven't shown appreciation, & I feel taken advantage of. I don't feel as if this relationship is reciprocal, it feels very one-sided. I'd like to hear how you think about our relationship, & to find out whether or not we should continue to be friends." Maybe something like that.
Sometimes people feel so ashamed that they had to receive help that they just don't know how to respond. Only by openly talking to each other will you know what's really going on.
My two cents worth...
Shalom, Dena
poster:Dena
thread:259791
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/260352.html