Posted by Susan J on September 14, 2003, at 14:57:03
In reply to I need Help., posted by Mick D on September 13, 2003, at 22:06:01
Hi, Mick D,
> I am about to end a friendship with a very good friend..... I have given so much and not recieved any appreciation from him at all. I feel used and I think it's time to end the friend ship and that is difficult to do.
<< I think it's pretty horrible what your friend is doing. All I can say is that he is in a desperate situation, and probably doesn't have the strength or character to be a good friend to you, too.My own opinion, don't know if it's healthy or not, is that you don't necessarily have to end the friendship itself, just stop helping him out. Of course, if you don't give him anything, and he drops you as a result, then there wasn't any real friendship to begin with.
>> I have a hard time making friends anyway and I thought that his friendship was invaluable but I have to much self respect to be taken advantage of.
<<Is it really an invaluable friendship? What did he do for you? No relationship is ever 50/50, but did he/does he help you out at all?
>>I really need some advice on how to end the friendship. Should I just not take his calls or should I tell him how I feel. Please any comments that will help.
<<I think, definitely, you should tell him how you feel. One, it lets you vent. Two, if he is a decent guy at all, showing him what he's doing wrong is actually a gift to him, so he can try and stop doing it.But you mentioned giving him and his wife food when they don't have any? That really, really sounds like a desperate situation, and I wouldn't take it personally if he's not being very appreciative of what you have done. It's kind of like he's drowning and you throw him the lifesaver. Once he's actually safe on land, *then* he'll have the time, the awareness, and the strength to thank you. But right now he's still trying to keep his head above water.
I'm *not* excusing his behavior, just trying to find an explanation for it and let you know that you haven't done anything wrong in this friendship.
Why is he in such a bad situation? No food or money? Is he working? Is his wife? Do they have horrible spending habits?
Drug/alcohol problems? If they are doing something bad to keep their situation bad, you *definitely* have to stop helping them.But you are right. Look after yourself. Don't give them anything more. End the friendship if you have to. Having no friends is better than having bad friends, really.
Good luck,
Susan
poster:Susan J
thread:259791
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/259954.html