Posted by becca on September 6, 2003, at 14:39:11
Hi all,
My issue is a little peripheral. My mother died 2 1/2 years ago, and I broke off a 6 year relationship about 5 months ago. Standard grief and loss issues there. But I'm more interested right now in my relationship with my therapist, who I've been seeing for 2 years. I've experienced a pretty strong transference with him and am considering stopping therapy because it seems not kosher. His boundaries are a bit inconsistent. While he is unassailable in terms of sexual acting out-- I totally trust that he would never take advantage of my feelings--he tells me more about his values and opinions than any other therapist I've seen. Since I agree with many of his values it strengthens my feelings for him. I think this is inappropriate so I was going to break off therapy. HOWEVER--I read an article on transference which speaks about the need to more or less get past the transference to be able to have healthy love relationships. The idea was you need to experience transference with your therapist and then successfully grieve the fact that you can never have a relationship with him/her. If you manage that, you can get beyond the "Oedipal triangle" and move onto something more mature. SO this implies I need to stay in therapy with my shrink until I can resolve my feelings.
I don't quite get the "oedipal triangle" though, and how exactly I'm supposed to get past the transference. ALSO I always had this simplistic idea that the very basis of attraction is Oedipal or at least based on early relationships--i.e. marrying someone like Dad or Mom or someone else important in your early life. if you get rid of the Oedipal Complex, I wonder, don't y ou get rid of the basis for sexual attraction?The idea of mourning the possibility of a relationship is very resonant with me and I wonder if any of you have had things explained to you this way and whether the idea of greiving your therapeutic relationship worked.
Becca
poster:becca
thread:257605
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/257605.html