Posted by snood on July 7, 2002, at 12:20:23
In reply to Re: If God really loves me...., posted by Angel Girl on July 6, 2002, at 23:42:13
I don't want to go through this anymore either. I've even told my husband to divorce me, and find another woman to take my place. I told him that he didn't sign up for a wife with this much self hatred, and the depression has lead me to laziness, (or at least that's what my mother calls it), and my house is always a mess, i sometimes "forget" to feed my kids lunch or breakfast (they often have to fend for themselves and they are much too young to have to do that). I also told him that the last thing he needs is a wife like me, especially since his mom was in and out of mental hospitals, and is now refusing treatment (except for meds, she gets them from her last pdoc from another state)and that he shouldn't have to deal with 2 women in his life who are completely messed up. So, I guess what I'm saying is that yes, I do have people who love me and need me, but I don't deserve their love. And why would God keep me here so that my family has to suffer with me, when they'd be so much better off without me? These thoughts that I can't seem to control, put me in a very dark place even though some would say that I have the perfect husband and perfect life. You feel abandoned, and I feel like I do not deserve any of the things that I do have. Even though our situations are opposite, it still puts us in this "I want to die" kind of place. Sucks, doesn't it?
I'm praying you'll be ok and trust that God will give you a reason to still be here.
poster:snood
thread:393
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20020527/msgs/396.html