Posted by snood on July 6, 2002, at 21:58:44
In reply to If God really loves me...., posted by Angel Girl on July 6, 2002, at 21:07:40
I feel the same way alot of the time. I have actually cut my arms (at the top) with the thinking that my sins and problems will all leave with the blood that comes from those cuts. I also do this because I know that if I cut my wrists or take a bottle of pills or jump off my deck (which I've actually asked my husband "would I die? or just become crippled from the fall?) then my husband who loves me, and my two beautiful children, would miss me and would rather have me in their world than to not have me at all, now matter how messed up I am. So, I suppose, that the reason he doesn't just let us die when WE want to, because he has a reason for us to still be alive, and because we need to learn to trust in him, which for me has been tremendously hard. This probably doesn't answer your question, but I do know how you feel. I haven't even been going to church much, because I always feel that if I don't love me, than how can God, and why would he want me in his house?
Do your best to find out what other choices you have instead of "please, let God take me, let me die". And do your best to actually believe that God has more good in store for you than the bad that you're experiencing now. It really sucks to be this depressed, but I'm trying hard to get out of it and feel more like normal people do, whatever normal is.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
Psalm 27:14, "Wait for the Lord's help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the Lord's help."
poster:snood
thread:393
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20020527/msgs/394.html