Posted by ElaineM on November 26, 2006, at 20:42:06
In reply to Re: Your physicians? Racer and Adrift, posted by Racer on November 26, 2006, at 1:25:56
Wow, it sounds like you've had a cr@ppy time with Doc's who didn't "get it". But I'm glad you have a GP who is helpful now.
What is wrong with me now isn't necessarily related to my ED history (though everytime something goes wrong with me physicians always want to point there first). I guess it seems somewhat logical, but the ED keeps moving farther back in history, and I wonder when it will stop being the first thing people ascribe cause to for anything new, and health related that comes up with me. It's not such a far stretch as this but alot of the time it sounds like: you need glasses for distance now? it's probably from those years of anorexia when you weren't getting enough vitamins. Not so dramatic, but I wanted a way to explain it without referencing what the problem is now ;-)
My T had recommended a physician who he knew to be familiar with the chronic problem I have (not the thing that's happened now), and was friendly-ish with. I just hesitated because I wasn't sure if it was good or bad to have even more of my medical situation intertwined with my psychological care. I sort of thought that maybe it would be better if every aspect of my life didn't somehow connect back to T. But now I'm not sure. His title carries alot more weight than my plain old name (an MD). And I'm getting a bit desperate running out of options. So that's why I was considering it now.
>>>>"Doctor, despite my tears, I am using words to communicate my message to you. Are you able to hear those words?" I realize that you're in bad shape right now, and that this isn't supposed to be a lesson in effective communication with defective people, but I think the exercise will be good for you, anyway, just in helping you learn how effectively you really do communicate.
Most of the time I try really hard to shut off any kind of emotion (and assertiveness, which I worry will be seen as aggression or disrespect) when I'm talking to any other professional than T (well, and LadyDoc from uni.). I worry that emotion will be interpreted as proof of mental illness. I know alot of people have tears easily when it comes to their health - even the hardest, stony person can weep when they are ill - but I have a psychiatric history so I worry my displays will never be seen as normal. I used to feel: If you say nothing, then it means nothing is wrong, and they don't do anything. If you're nervous, you're neurotic. If you cry, you're only depressed. If you ask too many questions or make a suggestion, then you're a hypochondriac. If you mention anything remotely connected to weight or shape or nutrition, then you're just having anorexic thoughts.....Stuff like that.
I know it seems he never does anything good, but T actually helped alot with me preparing for this meeting (I wrote stuff out and everything). He's asked now if he could speak to her for me, but I said I need to think more about it, cause our situation is weird now.
The thing that has really made me distrust all physicians is that the guy I was seeing up until September (whenever I couldn't get into the school clinic) used to say everything I came to him with was only anxiety (ever since I got the ED). The worst was last Dec I went to him really wheezing, complaining I was short of breath and found it really hard to inhale. He prescribed a heavy dose of Ativan daily. I just kept getting worse and ended up at the hospital two weeks later on Boxing Day coughing up blood and barely able to breathe between hacking-attacks. The doc prescribed heavy antibiotics for a bad case of bronchitus. That was the worst but also this summer, he blaimed my mouth and neck pain on anxiety [i forget, but some anxiety disorder that makes you think you're choking when you swallow], and I actually had severely absessed root canals, one that had spread down into my jaw bone. He was so dismissive and rude and it made me feel like a pathetic jerk. He's prescribed so much Ativan to me, even though he's known I already have it at home if I ever need it, that I could fan out the prescription papers like a hand of cards.
I did cry in the meeting on Friday, but maybe I should have preficed it first, like you said. I'll try that next time.
Adrift: The only Doc I feel I ever fully trusted was LadyDoc. I truly feel the worst thing I ever did was graduate. But now I also feel a bit more for my alt.med.Doc.
I have been thinking alot about finding a social worker. [stuff's been going on with T, and I should update on the Psych board at some point, but I can't get in the mood to think more of it than I already do] I just need my health improved a little first cause I really can't handle doing, organizing or commuting anymore right now. But I'm sensing that if I don't do something soon then I could end up more on my own in the near future, than ever before. (Well maybe not alone, but without anyone official seeing over me.)
I'll let you guys know when ladyDoc gets back about my paperwork (if she gets back to me).
Thanks for your help you two.
blove,EL
[I never think anyone reads this stuff, though I just thought it could seem like I'm only wanting input from the two of you personally. I addressed it to both of you cause you were the two who responded originally. I always mean for anyone to respond :-) ]
poster:ElaineM
thread:705834
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20061124/msgs/707644.html