Posted by adrift on November 25, 2006, at 18:56:07
In reply to I saw her, posted by ElaineM on November 24, 2006, at 22:28:53
I lost my post :-( it never appeared. ill try again, but I read your posts backwards.
> >>>> Are you on a wait list now?
>
> Sorry, I meant for procedures, and consultations. (but I also didn't go on the wait-list for the free crisis counsellors.) Though I have an update I'll have to give soon about my T now. He's made a confusing proposition (but I'll need to write about that tomorrow or something, cause I'm typed-out right now)
>
> I told the Doctor (who hadn't even recieved my charts yet - now 6 or so weeks later!) about my eating and weight loss. I started crying a little (though I absolutely HATE that I let that happen) when I was talking about it. All I really remember saying (that started it off) was that, "I'd only just got used to eating some of everything whenever I wanted without violently hating myself, [the tears started here] and now food has been taken away from me again." [okay, I'm starting to cry again right now] I told her I'm always hungry and thirsty. But if I try and eat past a certain point I start to bring it back up. Then she said in a trying-to-be-helpful voice, "You still look healthy."
UGH!
>
> By then I was so sad about my situation that I didn't even hate that comment the way I used to. I didn't even think that "Oh she's telling me I'm fat" I only thought, "oh god, she doesn't get what I'm telling her."
>
> Anyways, I asked her what I could do today to make sure my paperwork is searched down and sent ASAP. I asked if I could call and ask for it myself. And she said "Well sometimes requests get lost. Did you sign the release form. [i said, over a month ago] Well you can sign another one on your way out here." *sigh*
>
> I wrote down stuff but at one point she said, "That's so hard to believe" and then explained why. I told her all the stuff the ER doc said and his opinion. So she said, "Well, I'll give you a referral to MY normal *specialist*. I'll call her next week and see if she can take you soon. I'll get back to you when I do."
>
> So I just said, "Should I at least take more [of the medicine from the ER] in the meantime cause I can't stand this." But she'd never heard of it. I did my best explaining and she said, "Well it couldn't hurt" [don't worry, it's not painkillers]
>
> I think I'm past the point of crying about this. I can't do anymore then I am. And now I can't do anything but sit and wait in pain. *sadness* I'm trying really really hard to accept that it's out of my control now, and hope to god that I'll be okayish through Christmas.
>
> The other appointment I went to today was my Alternative Medicine Doc who runs the Pain Clinic. And she spoke to me for quite a while empathizing about how difficult it must be to be treated with respect by the medical profession after having an ED. She mentioned it - not even me! I was surprised to hear an MD (even if she's not involved in convential stuff anymore) volunteer something so awkwardly honest and true. She told me that her daughter has had an ED too and she helped her deal with it for 15 years, before she got married herself. So she said, "I can understand" And it felt so good. I thanked her when I was leaving and for the first time in a long time, when parting from a doctor, I fully meant it. It's too bad she isn't still doing family practice anymore.
>
> Anyways, I think that one small thing made me be able to take the bigger, letdown appointment.
>
> God, I'm just taking so many different things right now, that even that depresses me. My cupboard looks like a pharmacy. And I HATE taking stuff sooo much. It's like my body is forcing me to confront my medicine/pill fear whether I'm ready to or not. It's so hard :( Okay, I gotta stop now or I'll work myself up again.
>
> Thanks for both your support with me telling her.
> blove, ELIm so sorry Elaine, it sounds so frustrating. Unfotunately it generally is when you need help with somehting like this, which is just so wrong. It does sound like your Doc needs to speak to your T IMO. I would consider a social worker.
Update us when you are up to it.
poster:adrift
thread:705834
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20061124/msgs/707223.html