Posted by ElaineM on June 26, 2006, at 15:55:52
In reply to Re: How do I get motivated to recover?, posted by cloudydaze on June 25, 2006, at 19:44:59
Hi, I'm in my twenties too, and have been inpatient three times. (which I sometimes think made me worse - competition) Also, I tried a self-help group before "official" treatment. The problem I found with that was that I was the thinnest there. This particular group consisted more of people who were not emaciated (though a few were very sick otherwise), and people more like myself now. That is, people who either weren't well below the minimum medically safe weight, or (like me now) those who had gained weight back and were trying to lose it again. It seemed very counterproductive to me then. But it works well for some.
I was caught in the cycle of forcing the weight on, and madly taking in off after. I spent most of the past five years of my life in hospitals. The thing that made me recover was, after all this assult on my body (or mind, or both) I got sick with a medical illness (sorry, I don't like naming it) that made it virtually IMPOSSIBLE to exercise and restrict. So, whether I wanted it or not, the weight came back full force. I'm not big now (maybe a six or eight) but I can't stand knowing that I didn't get to choose to get rid of the anorexia myself. It feels like it was taken from me.
I have known a lot of people who got healthy because they were pregnant. And one woman got a job that she was really wanting, and fell inlove with that, instead of needing to be smaller. I kept alot of weight on before to get back into university.
I realize that I may be speaking with a hypocrite's voice but, I wish I had known then that other things I was taking for granted were so much more important than wearing kids clothes. Right now I'd rather be able to do everyday functions properly. But then, who's to say that I wouldn't break out old habits if my health suddenly became normal and stable.
I do think that if you can fill your life with as much other happiness, you won't need to rely on weight control to take the place. (but that's me) I've rarely been happy, but the times that I was, my weight stayed relatively stable.
I also think putting weight on slowly helps. (And I think moderate, safe amounts of muscle building exercises would've helped with the distribution, and confidence, the times I had to weight-restore in hospitals. Though if exercise is a symptom it'd probably be better not to). I think it's most important to slowly increase your tolerance to new ways of controlling symptoms, and new foods.
I wish I knew the answer to your question. I guess I'd just say don't give up. It sounds stupid, but keep trying. I found that despair is toxic, and there's alot of that with EDs. (At my sickest, I lost my heart and will long before my body gave out.) And then just know that others have done it. True, they seem few (and I didn't believe it ever happened until I saw some women a few years after I'd been in treatment with them) but they exist.
The fact that you're even wanting to find the motivation you need, is a good step.Good luck, Elaine
poster:ElaineM
thread:635912
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20051009/msgs/661647.html