Posted by liliths on December 11, 2006, at 7:16:09
In reply to License » liliths, posted by Quintal on December 10, 2006, at 18:53:18
hi Q
this board is probably the most important place in my life right now :)
yes, your support DOES make me want to go out and beat the bastards as it would be a victory for us all! I would eventually like to advocate for better monitoring. One of the reasons I tell myself I must go through with being compliant now is to get inside the very system I hope to change
my biggest worries about practicing are that I already have credentials and skills in areas I'm not capable of using. Hiding in the house instead. I was a graphic designer/digital artist for many years until my career tanked after 9/11. And I'm a Certified Personal Trainer. But not being able to go out, much less market myself, makes obtaining clients a tad difficult LOL
before the whole license fiasco, I had a slot secured on our local Sports Massage Team. I know that for me getting out & showing up is 90% of the battle. Though it was only part-time, it would mean working in my field, regaining my confidence, getting out and meeting people - networking!. But whether that slot will still be available by the time my license ever does come through - if indeed it does - is anybody's guess
I also had a potential opportunity to work with hurricane katrina survivors. Louisiana has very good reciprocity laws which would have enabled me to obtain a license in that state once I received my florida license. Now I need to find out if my license is going to have a 'red flag' on it - meaning I'm being monitored - which would make getting licensed anywhere else nearly impossible. And of course, that's another opportunity that probably won't be there either
without some structure, I am pretty much my own worst enemy. All the studies about 'learned helplessness' (and oddly enough many of them were in the opiate papers :) are quite true.
Depressive dysfunction becomes a habit. Even if I'm feeling better, that doesn't always mean I can act on it if I've become too used to withdrawing from life. Like anything else, showing up takes practice and that's why I know I have no choice but to comply with these morons. If I don't, then I really DO let them win. I just hope I have a VERY strong and nasty civil suit to get them with. I should at least be reimbursed for ALL the $$ I've had to shell out and the shame & suffering alone is priceless. Oh how I want to make PRN pay for thinking it is above the law!thanks for cutting me some whine slack :)
now I just need to figure out how I think my meds ought to be changed. I've always done the bulk of my research for my meds - I've been using this board for many, many years now - when it was only a med board - and was shocked after returning from one particular hiatus to find how huge we had become and had ALL these other rooms as well! Simply learning how many of us were out there who don't get 'fixed' by taking that one little advertised pill was tantamount to a transcendent experience. I'll never forget the profound relief that came with not being alone with 'being me' anymore
I know I need to keep the focalin xr and the klonopin, but I'm wondering if augmenting the wellbutrin/buspar with lamacil would be advised - or if I shoud drop the wellbutrin OR just the buspar in favor of toally new meds. I have read that lamactil works best as an augment to an AD so I know I'd probably need something. As I've said before, I don't do well on SSRI's and anything with weight gain is a huge no-no for me - nothing will take me down faster than that! One becomes used to meds like focalin. Early in the day, when it's at its peak efficacy, I make myself eat regularly anyway. In the evenings, when it's worn off, I tend to overeat when depressed or bored or frozen. I have to be very careful about my weight - right now I'm carrying more bodyfat than I am comfortable with and cannot let it get any worse as it becomes one of the reasons I won't go out.
and almost everything I look at seems to have that potential, except for the wellbutrin. If you have any other suggestions, please feel free. I'm going to need to go into my pdoc's office with a whole list of 'possibilities', as well as documentation about why I want to try it. As I said earlier, he has become increasingly resistant to making any changes - laziness? i don't know. But if I have to cut the hydrocodone, I definitely need to consider a different regimen.
thanks for listening. I'm really curious to play with my new toys LOL when they arrive and I'm also interested in what some of these sites have to say about quality control. I agree that even standardized meds can affect one differently on any given day, as our bodies are never in the same place biochemically or hormonally and our nutrient ratios and hydration levels affect what we take too. But being a gym rat and a huge fan of supplementation, I know that consistently and accuracy of claims has always been an issue.
ok, enough rambling for one morning. Time to go find attys!!
take care of your sweet self. You've been a blessing
namaste,
lilith> >The hardest thing about this ordeal was having my rights violated, losing more control over my own life... the experience itself was also very shaming
>
> I can imagine it is - I feel angry just hearing about what you're going through. We depressives etc are so often told to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and get back into work, but what incentive is there when we're treated like this?
>
> >I'm not feeling very optimistic about my future at the moment
>
> That's to be expected given your circumstances, but I hope you don't let the fight go out of you - there are plenty of us here on PB who will give you the support (and weapons) you need to keep up the good battle.
>
> >btw, I did order that sample pack - I figure what the hell :)
>
> Well you should have one very relaxing and enjoyable evening trying them out if nothing else.
>
> >to be honest, I don't want to do any of it... I'm going to have to push myself on this. And that includes trying to find other meds.
>
> Ah, but you must keep trying now when things seem bleak - it's a sure-fire way to earn solid confidence when you triumph and things brighten up again. It'll seem like plain sailing from then on and you'll be able to look back at yourself and know you're capable of riding out the storm. Future challenges will seem less intimidating because of this.
>
> >I hope I am functional if and when I do get a license. I won't pretend I am still the person I was when I passed my boards and first applied. I've lost a lot of momentum, confidence and belief in my ability to actually have a worthwhile life again... and getting that was a hard one battle to begin with. It took giving up a lot of other things I haven't been able to regain in myself...
>
> This can be just a temporary setback if you make it that way, and I'm guessing much of this negative self-perception will change when you're doing the job you trained to do.
>
> >oh my, I really dislike whining like this - so sorry!
> >I know self-pity can be awfully unattractive as well as frustrating for other people
>
> I think we'll let you off with that for now ;-) - There are loads of people here rooting for you and I think I speak for most when I say it's very rewarding to see someone we've encouraged succeed at reaching their goals life.
>
> Keep us posted.
>
> Q
poster:liliths
thread:712379
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20061203/msgs/712514.html