Posted by Chuckie on April 10, 2004, at 0:28:36
Sorry for the yelling, someone suggested it as a means of getting attention. And i need attention.
Wasn't getting much of it in the Substance Use forum, (see http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20040130/msgs/333744.html for background), so thought i'd bring it here. I think there's enough legitimate topic overlap.
Anyway i'm going into the hospital on Monday, ostensibly for detox and med stabilization. I'm terrified because i've never done this before and i have no clue what to expect. I have been in some crummy 'hospitals' though, and my imagination conjuring up pictures of me in a dirty pink padded room, wallowing in my own uncontrolled diarrhea, while the staff makes jokes at my expense and thinks up novel ways to exacerbate my torture.
I should mention i'm a bit paranoid too. ;)
ANYWAY... Could someone who has been through this sort of thing, please advise me what the usual routines are? I mean is it detox torture and then medication, or they give some meds to alleviate the torture? I suffered what was probably a minor w/d episode, which was what caused me to decide i might better quit. So i have a pretty good idea of how unpleasant the real thing is gonna be.
AND, to get to the point that places this post in the correct forum... The whole reason i got into the opium in the first place was because opiates help my depression. I mean a lot, they make it go away and i feel normal. 'Normal' is an extremely new and different thing for me, after fighting depression my entire life, and being fed every drug in the book along the way. From 'normal,' the possibilities are endless and life looks worthwhile. I don't know that i have a reference for 'normal,' but as i experience it, it simply means being alive, and glad for that.
And so, i'm thinking about the whole detox thing and wondering if i can't just skip the torture part and go straight to methadone treatment. I don't know anything about methadone, except i'm given to understand that it doesn't get you high and so they use it for addiction. Is that accurate? I did read up on bupenorphine, that's the medicine i wanted in the first place, but apparently it's real hard to get and rel expensive.
I'm guessing someone come along and ask me why i want to trade one addiction for another. The answer is that opium poppies are not standardized medicine, and the way it affected me was that when i developed tolerance, the higher dosage requirements made me feel like crap. And then when i got a crummy batch, i felt like worse crap. I don't regret my decision to try it, (although i probably will next week), i put a lot of thought and research into my decision. Just turned out it was the wrong medication, very.
Sorry i'm rambling and a BIG thanks to anyone who has read this far. I'm in a much worse condition than i can relate here, not just because of the flower. So don't be scared to respond to me please, i'll try to keep my word count down henceforth. As far as coherent presentation, i can't promise anything. :(
So, does anyone think i qualify for methadone treatment? I mean, when i made my discovery about opiates, it was because i had a long-term injury that was treated, in part, with Vicodin. I never abused them, and i didn't develop tolerance b/c i used only what i needed. Understand that "what i needed" included the amount sufficient for depression relief, i just didn't realize it at the time. The revelation came, because when i had none, i wanted it, and i didn't quite know why. I didn't crave it, didn't go seek it out until my injury acted up, i just thought now and then "hmm i'd like to have some that." And then i happened across Dr. Bob's place here, where i discover that opiates are being seriously studied for their anti-depression value, and that people are actually being successfully treated with them.
I'll stop here, except to ask again hopefully if i say things enough different ways then something i say will make sense:
Given that desire for opiates, given that opiates relieve my depression as no other medication ever has, being that opiates taken in moderation make me feel 'normal' and i truly desire that condition, THEREFORE detox doesn't solve the problem. But does anyone think that i can get a doctor to agree with that and prescribe me appropriate medication?
Thanks,
And sorry again for the lack of coherence,-Chuckie
poster:Chuckie
thread:334784
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20040225/msgs/334784.html