Posted by Dr. Bob on December 24, 2010, at 17:36:26
In reply to Re: saying the right thing, posted by morgan miller on December 24, 2010, at 1:55:33
> The difference in an I-statement and a you-statement is wording, not content. It does not matter whether you use an I or you statement, the content is the same. The use of an I or you statement changes the how the statement is perceived and received by the individual reading it. For example, if you say "I feel that I was disrespected," instead of "You were disrespectful", you are not changing the content, just the way the person the message was made for might perceive/receive it. That's just my take on this subject.
"I feel that I was disrespected" is an improvement, but an even better I-statement would be "I feel disrespected, put down, and uncomfortable."
Even better than that might be sticking to "feelings in the strictest sense", but I'm not as strict as 10derheart. :-)
> I believe that you should give people more time. Instead, someone may get blocked and never want to revisit the issue and try to make it right or apologize. Or, someone might not want to come back to Babble at all.
True, but if, like you, they do want to make it right, they're welcome back after their block.
> I may have been stubborn about apologizing, but given a bit more time, I may have come around. I guess it's never too late. Sorry for using words that were uncivil.
Thanks for your apology, and for working this through.
Bob
a brilliant and reticent Web mastermind -- The New York Times
backpedals well -- PartlyCloudy
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:973963
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20101201/msgs/974547.html