Posted by Dr. Bob on November 29, 2010, at 0:24:35
In reply to Re: Solstice got good ideas » Dr. Bob, posted by Solstice on November 27, 2010, at 14:36:24
> Restoration is more about inclusion. Let me describe my introduction to the concept, which was a profound experience. My daughter was 4, attending a private pre-school. I was there at lunchtime to pick her up and watched this unfold. A boy on the playground grabbed a handful of sand and threw it at a girl, hitting her in the face and head. She burst into tears and ran to the teacher (owner) Mr. Davies, John threw sand at me! Mr. Davies holds the little girls arm and in his gruff voice calls out John come here! John, hands at his sides, walks with his head down up onto the deck where Mr. Davies always stands as he monitors the playground during lunch. Johns mother was also there, arriving just in time to see what happened. She rushes up behind John to the deck, apologizing profusely, telling John how 'bad' he is. Mr. Davies says What are you apologizing for? She responds For giving birth to him? She was mortified.. embarrassed. She declared Mr. Davies, please do the worst thing you can do to him.. put him in timeout forever.. take away everything he likes.. I cant believe this my son is so horrible! By now Mr. Davies has John and the girl by the arm, and he tells the mom to wait off to the side. He talks very directly to the boy Why did you throw sand at Kelly? Were you defending yourself? John mumbled something about not knowing why he did it. Mr. Davies has the two kids facing each other, the girl still crying. He says.. gently.. even kindly John.. look what you did to Kelly. You got sand all over her face.. it looks like it got in her eyes too.. did you get sand in your eyes, Kelly? Did it hurt? Kelly nods. He takes Johns hand in his and says Look, its all over in her hair as he makes John feel the clumps of sand in her hair. By now Kellys sobbing is subsiding. He looks at John and says Now, what I want you to do is go in there with Kelly (inside the school), help her get the sand out of her hair.. and when youre finished with that, I want you to stay with Kelly until she is finished crying and is ready to rejoin the group out here.
>
> Wow. It was like watching magic.
>
> Of course, the details of this story would not play out in exactly the same way here with incivilities.
>
> Nothing is perfect, and there will certainly be people who show up who have every intention of being disruptive. People like that may find themselves in more rigid blocking situations.
>
> The current apology provision works well some of the time. But there are highly valued members here who have a less well-developed ability to take advantage of that provision. There needs to be something more assistive, that doesn't put pressure on skills that aren't as well-developed.Can you ask Mr. Davies to work his magic here? :-)
The more restoration provisions there are, the better. Those who aren't able to take advantage of one may be able to take advantage of another. Even with more, however, some, unfortunately, may not be able to take advantage of any.
Bob
a brilliant and reticent Web mastermind -- The New York Times
backpedals well -- PartlyCloudy
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:969088
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20101014/msgs/971695.html