Posted by gardenergirl on December 8, 2008, at 20:58:20
In reply to Re: Blocked for 2 weeks » BayLeaf, posted by lucie lu on December 8, 2008, at 20:46:52
I know it can be difficult to see the behavior of someone we care about seem to "escalate", especially if we believe we can predict the outcome and feel helpless to prevent it. These may be times when it might be more effective to "strike when the iron is cold" versus when it is "hot". It may be that there are times when someone's "iron is so hot" that the heat/pain somehow affects how an attempt at support is received. There are times when it can be more helpful and effective to talk through stuff when someone is not so immediately caught up in the pain and upset. In my own experience, there have been times that I've been able to take in and process support better when I've had a chance to apply coping skills, soothe myself, or otherwise get some distance from the flare up, so that I felt clearer in my head and could better use what folks said to me.
I don't know of a good way to tell the difference between when to strike a hot iron and when to wait til it cools, but sometimes a experiencing a pattern of behavior can suggest a likely course.
Yeeks, that was difficult and awkward, and as SSSS suggested, that might mean this might not be the best thing to post. My intentions are to try to help all involved, so all please take what you will and leave what you will from this.
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:867435
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20081003/msgs/867620.html