Posted by Tamar on July 10, 2005, at 14:17:25
In reply to Lou's reply to Tamara-nam?D » Tamar, posted by Lou Pilder on July 10, 2005, at 12:57:39
Hi Lou,
> You wrote,[...I think that...is possible...], [...a person that finds that they react to your posts...by replying in an uncivil manner might decide that it is in their own ...interests...not to read posts with your name in the subject line...].
> But is there the potential for some others to have the potential to think that there is a differance here? In this case, is not the moderator suggesting such? And is not the moderator haveing something about civility written with the suggestion?
Sorry, I’m not sure if I understood. A difference between what and what?
> And how could one conclude that just the name, in this case perhaps mine, would be enough to have someone not read what I posted?
A person could come to the conclusion that your name is linked to posts whose content has on occasion led to a particular poster’s uncivil reaction. That would not be your fault, of course. It would indicate that the person who reacts has a difficulty in responding to your posts more appropriately. (I am talking here about a hypothetical person who might choose not to read your posts, and not about any particular individual who may have reacted in an uncivil manner. I hope that is clear.)
> Could I not post something that may not "trigger" this poster unbeknowing to Dr. Hsiung or the poster? How could you know unless one read my post?
Well, that’s absolutely true. A person could not know if the post would be triggering unless he or she read it. But in my previous experience on the other board that I talked about, I discovered that the other man’s posts almost always triggered a powerful reaction. It wasn’t his fault. It was my discomfort with the way he talked about certain subjects. So after I stopped reading his posts he might have posted something that I might have liked and agreed with. Unfortunately I won’t know. It’s my loss, I suppose.
> Are you saying that {every} post of mine should be unread by the poster in question because that poster could have some type of "trigger" just by seeing my name?
Ah, I hoped you wouldn’t think that. No. I don’t think that every post of yours should be unread by the hypothetical person we’ve been talking about. And I don’t think that every post of yours should be unread by the particular poster who reacted in an uncivil manner on this occasion. But if he or she decides not to read your posts, I hope he or she will reflect on the reasons for that decision.
And I don’t think that your name can cause a trigger. I think the trigger would be caused by the hypothetical poster’s emotional reaction to the content of your posts. If that happened, it would not be your fault. It would be a problem for the hypothetical poster, who should (in an ideal world) think about why they have a problem with the content of your posts and try to discover a way to relate to you without reacting in an uncivil manner.
> Are you saying that my name "triggers" uncontrolled uncivility to some here?
Definitely not. I do not think your name triggers anything negative. Again, speaking from my previous experience on another forum, the man’s name never caused me any triggers. It was entirely a problem with my reaction to the content of his posts. So I didn’t read posts with his name in the subject line because I expected to be triggered by the content. I will emphasise again that the problem was with me and that he was well-liked and respected, just as you are. If any person decides not to read your posts I think it would be a shame. But I would hope that he or she would understand that the problem is in his or her reaction to what you say, and nothing to do with you as a person, nor with your name, nor with your beliefs.
And again, it’s not just about *your* name. The same could apply to anyone. Some people might see my name and decide not to read. I’m happy with that if it means I don’t get yelled at.
> If so, do you ,in your opinion, consider that rational?
Well, I don’t think strong emotional responses are particularly rational. But it’s undeniable that some people do react strongly to some posts, or to some posters. It’s difficult trying to understand and be understood at the best of times, and even harder when everything is written down and we have no visual cues to help us understand each other. There are misunderstandings at Babble nearly every day, and happily they can usually be sorted out quickly, as long as people remain polite. The serious problems arise when people find it difficult to remain polite.
I do hope you know that you are liked and respected here.
Best wishes,
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:525619
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20050628/msgs/525806.html