Posted by alexandra_k on May 30, 2005, at 21:48:20
In reply to Re: Rescinding a D.N.P request. » alexandra_k, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on May 30, 2005, at 19:37:13
> > If I keep talking about stuff that you say it is because I find it interesting and stimulating and it prompts me to thoughts of my own...
> Okay that helps.Good :-)
It is also true.
> > What I say is just my opinion.
> I think what everyone says is there opinion.Yeah, I agree. I was just trying to let you know that I am especially aware that what *I* say is just *my* opinion.
> That's part of what's so draining. When I'm continually being misunderstood, and never asked for clarification before being critiqued, I feel I have to respond to make sure it doesn't look to anyone like I've said something I never would say, and round it goes again.
Ok. I guess I don't ask for clarification because I think I do get what you mean. It isn't until you say 'thats not what I meant' that I realise I may be wrong.
With respect to feeling like you have to respond... That is a hard one. I do understand the desire to say 'that is *not* what I meant / said...'. But... I don't know. I guess I just try to think that people who know me well wouldn't jump to negative conclusions about me. People who do jump to negative conclusions about me will go on their merry way anyhow... And what you did *actually* say is right there if people want to check the original. And so I try not to let it get to me and feel pressured to respond or to worry too much about how other people will take it if I don't respond. But that is much easier said than done... And I'm sorry that you feel put in that position. Because it isn't nice. I know I've felt like that on occasion too.
> No, we didn't have a problem there I think that was somone else.
Yes, you are right. It was someone else. Sorry about that - I remember what it was about now.
> That's not been the problem with me. The problem is to "me" that you rarely mention how you would like to see things, or what you focus on,
Yeah. On a couple of occasions when I have done this posters have responded with 'but that is *you* what does that have to do with *me*?'. So I don't know how to put it... I don't know how to say it...
>you suggest what others *could do*(which can infer that they haven't given full thought to a subject before they disagreed) To me, telling people what you do is an extension of the purpose of the "I" statement.
I just mean it is something that people (me included) *could* do. Just considering options, alternatives. Trying to expand the possibilities rather than having people feel like they are backed into a corner and have no option but to feel bad.
That was the way I saw it. That people felt backed into a corner and they had no option but to feel bad. Maybe I misunderstood?????
> It feels that way to me. It's been suggested that I reword things, that I choose to focus somewhere else.. different ways of putting things. The whole "Made you feel" topic was something neither Minnie nor I were interested in discussing further. One post would be fine, but there were several.
But you guys kept responding... So I thought that meant that we were having a conversation...
> The one which sticks in my mind most recently is when you "pointed out" on my post to Minnie how I could rephrase my sentence to:
> *OR I responded to that by being offended* Which I would never say, partly because it's redundant.I was just trying to be clear on the difference between:
1) That is offensive.
2) Typically people would respond to that by taking offence
3) I respond to that by taking offense.
Sorry if it seems to be a picky distinction...
It is relevant to my thesis.
When you have to write thousands of words on something or other picky distinctions that can be talked about for a couple of thousand words suddenly seem very IMPORTANT.
I am interested in the logic of those claims...>Where the He** did that come from?
So... Thats where that came from. There are differences between 1), 2), and 3). I was worried about keeping the distinction between 2) and 3).
I was worried about my thesis Gabbi.
You were getting me thinking about that...But sometimes I lose the woods when I'm too worried about one particular leaf...
> The "choosing to focus" may be okay once, but when it's suggested to me repeatedly I wonder if you think I haven't grasped the concept.
Well...
To be honest...
I like to think *nobody* or *almost nobody* gets it because then it leaves me with something original to say... Or at least something that may be informative for most people (assuming they can understand what I'm getting at and come to agree)>In the beginning I welcomed your disagreements. However, I felt it becoming more of a lesson from you.
Well... I also like to think that I will admit to being wrong / mistaken / misguided. I learn lessons from you Gabbi. Thats kind of how I see life... One big lesson. A lesson on the way things are - at best. If not that then a lesson on the way things seem to be to the person who is writing.
I don't know what to say.
> I'm never asked if I had thought of something, it's indirectly suggested I have not.
I don't think I do that on purpose...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:504559
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20050530/msgs/505524.html