Posted by Dinah on October 27, 2004, at 11:34:15
In reply to Re: might have been reading too much, posted by Dr. Bob on October 27, 2004, at 10:35:07
There has certainly been fight, as well as flight, as well as concentrated efforts at civil discourse and problem solving.
I just don't see that that's the central issue involved. There do seem to be a few times when that's the central issue. When something unexpected happens on the board (often related to a newcomer) and there's an instinctual response to circle the wagons or to flee conflict or to protect those perceived as more vulnerable and under threat. All related to fight or flight behaviors in a species that relies on herds or tribes.
But isn't fight or flight mainly a short term phenomenon? An instant decision based on survival instincts?
Under long term stressors mightn't other less instinctual factors be at play? Of course, there are also long term instincts that come from the affiliative nature of mankind. Enforcement of group standards, for example. Which can get a bit tricky in complex situations. For example, tolerance is a valued group norm at Babble, as is support of those who are perceived to be vulnerable. Laudable group standards to be sure. But sometimes it's hard to uphold those standards without also violating them. :) It's kind of difficult to express intolerance of what is perceived as lack of tolerance, or to express lack of support to those who are perceived as not being supportive. That's why I really like your added suggestion in your standard PBC language to express the "why" of how we are reacting. Understanding why makes the balancing act easier.
I think upholding group standards is probably a heck of a lot easier when the group has less laudable standards than Babble, if that makes any sense.
And of course, no one likes to see a friend hurt or insulted. Probably also part of our affiliative nature. I know I consider it a personal insult if someone feels free to insult a friend to my face. And I feel compelled to try to help a friend who appears to be under attack. Geesh, those are the toughest times for me. When two of my friends aren't getting along.
So while fight/flight is an instinctual response, it is a response shared by affiliative and nonaffiliative species alike. I think you aren't giving enough weight to the unique instincts of a tribal/herd species.
And I wasn't saying that I thought you were the feared object. I was saying that thinking that fear that you would PBC or wouldn't have time to address other concerns doesn't fit with the history here, which suggests rather fear of perceived public criticism by a fellow poster, not by you. But heaven only knows, reactions by posters to even your very clear applying of the civility rules that no one could possibly mistake as subjective demonstrate how little people like to be criticized. It might be a good idea to put something in the standard PBC wording about that, come to think of it. Don't the most acrimonious relationships with Babble come from PBC's or blocks that probably invoke feelings of being publicly shamed, put in the stocks, or other primeval fears of a member of an affiliative species?
At any rate, very long discourse aside, what I was trying to say was that your comments might be more productively directed to more sensitive enforcement of group norms rather than fight/flight. And that addressing the root cause of any flareup on the board might be more productive than commenting on the behavior. At least you could do it in addition? Or suggest alternate ways of dealing with the root causes rather than just pointing out how we *are* dealing with it? We know how we *are* dealing with it. :)
poster:Dinah
thread:407621
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20041027/msgs/407889.html