Posted by Dinah on February 12, 2004, at 1:23:27
In reply to Re: What percentage of male vs. female posters?, posted by Phil on February 11, 2004, at 17:38:21
Phil, I know you aren't here asking for support, but I really do just want to quickly say that I can see you're in a lot of pain, and I'm really sorry for it. I wish that life were fairer, or more gentle, to you. I wish there was something I could do. Ok, I'll stop now, and you can just skip this part of the post and go down to a few random remarks from my perhaps overstimulated brain if you prefer.
I'm sorry I misunderstood what you were saying, but I hope you don't mind if I still think what you *weren't* trying to say might still deserve some thought. To my knowledge, some of the men I mentioned never ran up against Dr. Bob, and yet they did leave. And it might be worth investigating whether there's something about the sheer mass of women that is a bit intimidating.
I don't know that Dr. Bob comes down harder on men, he certainly has come down hard on some women as well. Perhaps what Tabitha said has some merit.
Or perhaps Dr. Bob speaks and understands the language of men better than women, and so sometimes things slip by because he doesn't really understand what is being said. Of course, it's also possible that I sometimes read things into women's posts that weren't intended. I know that's happened with my posts to others, and it's more than possible that the converse is true. Perhaps there is something about women's way of talking that can both hide incivility that is present, and suggest incivility that really isn't? Gender stereotypes again. But I know my manner of speech is circuitous at times, and as I'm myself I can't really pin down rather it's a regional thing, or a female thing, or a personal thing. But on the other hand, so can Dr. Bob's way of speaking so perhaps it's just a human communication problem. Sorry. Rambled a bit in my musings.
One thing I *do* believe very strongly is that it is the people who care most passionately about Bob and about Babble who are, ironically, most likely to leave because of Bob. Only things that you care about can bring great joy and great pain, and great anger too. Those people who quit posting, voluntarily or not, a good long time ago, and yet keep abreast of what's going on here and feel passionately about it pretty much *have* to care a lot. Otherwise they would have simply moved on long ago.
I also agree about the standard issue, boundary drawing, statements (like the goodbyes). They really sting when there is caring on our side. I told my therapist that the trouble with boundary drawing is that while you're doing it you aren't watching the other person and seeing the pain they're in. I can certainly understand what you said about it being nice if you heard your own name.
Are there really people saving the entire board to Word? The Admin board or all the boards? All the posts or just the controversial ones? I would be less than honest if I didn't say that I find that I'm feeling a bit funny about that, and the idea of other people looking out for (communal) me without my knowledge. It makes no sense for me to feel that way, I know, as this is an archived public board... I'm going to have to get used to that idea...
I do hope that things go better for you at work than you imagine they will. From what you've said over the years, I know that work has been a major stressor for you for a long time. :(
poster:Dinah
thread:311911
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040112/msgs/312320.html