Posted by brynb on August 21, 2012, at 15:34:10
Hi All,
I'm wondering about going on disability but haven't a clue where to start or if it's even a good option for me. Sorry, this is long-winded, but if you can help, I appreciate feedback.
I'm a Writer and a Teacher, but haven't worked full-time in two years. For the past two years, I've freelanced and taught and collected unemployment in between. I last taught in June and have since been collecting unemployment. (I was at the end of a really bad depressive episode and just couldn't keep working.)
My depression started at 14 and worsened with age. I suffered a lot in college, but was still able to earn my Bachelors and Masters degrees in my 20s. I worked very hard as a Copywriter and Teacher throughout my 20s to my early 30s (I'm 38 now), but because of my depression, haven't been able to hold a steady job.
Over the last seven years, I've been to rehab for substance abuse three times, medical detox for substances six times, and to the psych ER twice. I had two substance-induced seizures and bounced around a lot with doctors struggling to find the right diagnosis and treatment. It was miserable. My existence was miserable. My relationships with family members became horrible, I isolated myself and never left my apartment.
I've been clean for two years (and realized I was basically self-medicating), but as of June, still had stubborn anxiety and depression (seemingly treatment-resistant). As of early July, I began working with a new doc, and I'm hopeful he'll work out. I'm currently on Lithium, Lexapro and Tramadol, and for the first time in years, I feel okay (even good, I think!). I get up and out of bed every morning. My relationships have been repaired. I talk to friends again. I'm even dating.
The thing is, I'm finally aware of the fragility of my brain chemistry and how important maintaining a steady regimen is (w/ meds, sleep, etc.). It's also VERY clear that I simply can't handle the stress I experience from work. I just can't anymore. It triggers episodes for me. I'm feeling good, but I know this can be fleeting, and I'm simply unreliable as an employee. I also think that while I'm currently doing well, I'm experiencing hypomania, and I've had some mania in the past (from meds), so this scares me. The unpredictability that comes with mood disorders is, well, unpredictable.
My pdoc is away and my next appointment with him is at the beginning of Sept. I'd like to discuss the idea of disability with him. If I do apply for it, I can see there being a problem in that my medical records (and memory of a lot of what's happened in the last 15 years) is shoddy at best. What to do?
If you've read all of this, thank you! Sorry to over share, but I'd love for some feedback.
Thanks so much.
-b
poster:brynb
thread:1023820
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120818/msgs/1023820.html