Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 3, 2012, at 20:47:54
wierd posting topic, but this is the state of thinking im in right now. Grey...no excitement, alot of things look worn down from my reality. It was my choice to end up like this or to even choose to have this mental mindset, but you can always have the will power to change the way you think....word of enourgement for anyone who reads this....
anways this is what happened 3 days ago...i was out with some people doing some methamphetamuine they had pot and herione but that's not my way to go...i usally like to be up and sharp not sloppy and stumbling...but I lost my car, I gave near 600 dollers to these drugs idiots that are professional liars, deciet, manipulators, they screwed me over. I only got maybe 3 lines of cocaine...they told me to take some roofies when they left the hotel to sell drugs at titty bars. I woke up didnt rerember who I was for about 15min and then all reality came back and it was awful, took some more roofies of course like a half a pill to just calm down from the anxiety of the situation of my car being stolen and I had get back home...my mom came to pick me up, the dude was with who stole my money, my car...begged me to stay at my house, but he took my credit card too...if he came he would start robbing me and my family of everything we had....omgod this f ucking buisness is lowlife discusting disease way of thinking. Theo only reason I stayed with them is because they kept telling me the stuff was coming and it never got their expect for a little methamphetmine and roofies, they lied and took everything. And now, alot of people know what happened and their going to put me in category of low status. I've got to work my way out of this, this is not me....the sick way they treated people and the enourmous amount of sex releated stuff that was envolved....never again.
But listen, all that's passed me now, and im back to normal....no methamphetamine in my system for about 4-5 days. Its just when I am sober my mind goes back to its sluggish way of doing things and I feel vary much lifeless in the way I think and do thing. I resort to eating, smoking, doing things that directly stimulate pleasure exepct for gambling, I never gamble, im stupid at it I would lose everything. Just this state of mind I see everything in a grey-numb like feeling, and have a pessimistic view of reality as a protection mechanism to not have to deal with trama. My psychologst said what I had descibed to him was dissociation...but not an idenity disorder...its just things go numb because im overloaded with intense feelings of unpleasantness for no reason at all. It's like I was born to be in a bad mood for the rest of my life. All this stuff I posted before abour lucifer....first of all methamphtamine iducded, 2nd it was a way of trying to change my reality from this miserable state of mind I'm in. That's why I think psychics and mediums are really intresting or anything that relates to an expanded mind, because that's what I want to achieve. Antyways....this is just a post, I would be vary happy if some knew how to relate to this nonsense...but pretty much sure no one...;)
thank you for reading friend....
rj
I am not a scholar but I do understand distress.
Medications:
Prozac 60mg
Zyprexa 20mg
Lamictal 50mg
Clonodine .1mg X 3
Nuvigil 250mg
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:1020808
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120630/msgs/1020808.html