Posted by Lou Pilder on November 11, 2011, at 15:53:29
In reply to Re: I'm losing all hope...so tired of fighting in vain » gadchik, posted by ihatedrugs on November 11, 2011, at 2:51:05
> I've taken pretty much every med in the spectrum.
> I've been praying to a God who seems to listen to a selected few excluding me.
> I have an abundance of love and support.
> I don't have financial problems.
> I actually have no major problems.
> I have climbed out of the pithole of despair so many times only to fall back in deeper than the last time.
> I excersise, live in Florida (plenty of sun) take vitamins, supplements etc.
> I have been happily married for 25 years and raised two daughters who attend Ivy league schools and are wonderful young women in every sense.
> I have nothing to be sad about yet I am so deeply sad and it hurts so much and I wonder how much longer I am willing to endure this pain. I take my meds which either work only to eventually peter out or cause so many side effects making me more miserable or don't work at all.
> I tried ECT but felt so bad after the first treatment couldn't bring myself to go back for the others.
> I have suffered from this disease since age 19 which appeared out of the blue for no apparent reason. Began treatment at age 33 and it's been an uphill battle since.
> I'm tired of doctors, meds, people telling me to be positive. I'm tired of envying people who laugh, people who love to go shopping, who get excited about the holidays. I hate the sound of birds chirping, of waterfalls, of the ocean. I'm afraid I'm holding my husband back. He loves to travel, and socialize and sip a good Cabernet. I used to love all these things but now I can't bring myself to enjoy anything. I'm so tired and so disillusioned and wonder if God really wanted me to live, why would he allow this. At least, people with cancer die but we don't; we are condemned to live in this hellish purgatory and we are supposed to endure it and take it. The thought of living like this 30 more years petrifies me. I don't know how, much longer I can do this.ihds,
You wrote,
[...pithole of dispair...how much longer...this psin...making me more miserable...appeared out of the blue...uphill battle...I used to love...why would he (God) allow this...condemned to live in this hellish...I don't know how much longer I can...].
I have found myself here and know of what you are writing about. And I know of a way out of the situation that you are in. You see, I have experianced what you describe. I was in a depression like you describe. I went to a psychiatrist and he gave me what he called an antidepressant. Then I went into a deeper depression and experianced all of the things that psychotic people describe. Then I found out that the drug that the doctor gave me had in its lituratiure that it could cause depression and all of the other symptoms that I had. Even suicide thinking, from the drug, even akethesia and other symptoms. It took me quite awhile after stopping the drug for those to go away, and I am left with other damage from the doctor's prescribed {antidepressant} to me.
You see, I had an encounter with a Rider on a White Horse and he brought me to a valley that was full of bones. The bones could number those of a million people, like a sea of bones.
And He said to me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" Then He said to me, "Tell these dry bones of The Word of God and it will cause breath to enter into them and they shall live."
The He said to me, "These ar the bones of the whole house of the Lost Sheep. These are those that say,'Our bones are dry, our hope is lost, and we ourselves are cut off". "So say to them that their graves could be opened and that they will come up from their graves and they will be brought into a land of peace."
I have been talking here about two realms. One of the nature that one os born in that is called the flesh nature, which has been revealed to me to be death. And the other is a new nature, a spiritual nature, a new realm, which has been reveald to me to be life, and life more abundantly. I was once in that flesh state, the state of the dead. This new realm is from above, from heaven, and there is perfect peace there that as revealed to me has been prepared for us. If you believe in God, believe in me also. It has been revealed to me that the dry bones that I was shown are those that are in the condition that you describe here. And I can tell you today that those bones can live, for I have come back from the dead.
Lou
poster:Lou Pilder
thread:1002146
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20111110/msgs/1002289.html